The tree is decorated beautifully. Its nine feet tall. Filled with bows and shiny ornaments and sparkly lights. The family decorated it happily. Putting everything just so, too. The Viking put on the tippy-top ornament and I put on the decorative skirt.
Then came the cat.
There are two cats. The one who is not in trouble because trees with lights and ribbons and dangling objects bore him. Plus, he'd rather nap. Then there is the other cat.
Naughty cat. The terror of holiday trees everywhere. He lounged in the corner under the tree watching the humans create his kitty Disneyland. He was scatted and shushed and chased away from the tree. Our perfect, beautiful tree.
He killed the first ornament within an hour. It was a big, shiny silver wonder ... now a thousand shards. The cat endured a rousing game of "Hiss and Chase" and disappeared.
The humans were lulled into contentment. Eventually they stopped talking and listening to Christmas music and went to bed.
Naughty cat returned to the tree. His playground. For a whole night.
When morning came, four ornaments had been knocked off. One was missing a hook.
Hiss and Chase commenced.
Cat waited. And later, he killed another ornament.
And the next day? He climbed into the branches because the GOOD toys were in the middle. And he killed another ornament ... this one was special. A favorite.
Cat does not understand the meaning of Christmas. Or staying away from trees. Or how irritated his humans are because he's RUINING THE HOLIDAYS.
Naughty Cat, you are getting COAL in your stocking. And no, it's not a toy. It's not. Damn it. Who's up for another game of Hiss and Chase?