Friday, October 7, 2011

THE WRITE PRETENDAS

WE at the League of Reluctant Adults are pissed. Miffed. Put out. Thoroughly riled. We don't often get political, nor do we often get angry. But an angry Leaguer is an UGLY thing. Just look at Mark over there, all snarly with rage.


Why are we angry, you ask?

BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GET BOYCOTTED.

There's this group calling itself "The Write Agenda," who claims to be a bunch of authors looking out for other authors. In reality, we're pretty sure they're a bunch of con artists who got mad at people calling them con artists. Why? Because they attack two of the best friends an author or an aspiring author can ever have: Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler. Here's John Scalzi's breakdown of what this Write Agenda is, and why they're doing what they're doing.

For those not in the know, Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler are free services that collect information on agents, editors, and publishers. They report on things like how long agents take to respond to queries, whether certain editors are looking for certain genres, and other things like that.

They also bear the cross of a darker duty, which is warning writers when someone's a crook. Using lots of documentation, both sites build cases against those agents and publishers who do unscrupulous things: like steal manuscripts, demand payments for services rendered (a big no-no in the industry), or otherwise swindle their clients.

To make a long story short, this "Write Agenda" decided that it doesn't like such information to be known. And it attacked not only Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler, not only some of the individuals running these sites, but such random folks as the board members of the Science Fiction Writer's Association, as SFWA hosts Writer Beware. To add insult to injury, "The Write Agenda" demands these writers be boycotted.

AND YET THEY DIDN'T BOYCOTT A SINGLE LEAGUER.

Meanwhile, we at the League use the shit out of Absolute Write and Writer Beware. We used it querying, we still use it to gossip or to read up on people, and we will continue to use it.

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US DESERVES TO BE BOYCOTTED, AND HERE'S WHY:

NICOLE PEELER deserves to be boycotted because she not only uses both sites, but she has “Nicole + Writer Beware” tattooed across her buttocks. She wakes herself in the night shouting “Absolute Write Water Cooler!” in ecstasy. She also plans on naming her first-born child John Scalzi.


MARIO ACEVEDO Mario Acevedo deserves to be boycotted because he has trained flies to sit together, forming the letters "The Write Agenda" on piles of fresh dog shit. He takes joy when fans write to him, saying they pleasured themselves after reading his books. If Mario has any regrets, it's that he didn't take every advantage in life to demonstrate what a pervert he can be. Especially with John Scalzi, on whom he has a tremendous man crush.


J. F. LEWIS deserves to be boycotted, because he knows the F word and lets his characters use it from time to time. Worse, he owns books by the other authors on the boycott list and thinks you should, too. He even volunteers for SWFA. Obviously, he is a monster of Godzilla-like proportions.


Another Leaguer in desperate need of boycotting is MARK HENRY, known sympathizer, user of profanities and ex-lover of the Absolute Write site. Why, they used to make love until dawn. Sweet, sticky love. And by "love", I mean fucking. That's right, I said it. Fuck.


Leaguer and writer of vile paranormal porn novels MICHELE BARDSLEY deserves to be boycotted because that bitch never shares chocolate with anyone EVER, except with Writer Beware, who is her pimpdaddymack. Also, she writes romance novels wherein her characters say things like "Fuck!" and then they go and fuck. A lot. Because romance is about intimacy.


JACKIE KESSLER deserves to be boycotted for the following boycottlicious rant: “So Jackie Morse Kessler's stuff is evil enough to be an anathema to the Wall Street Journal, but it's not quite evil enough to be banned by The Write Agenda? Damn it!!! How will I ever, with all of my Writer Beware loving ways, ever get officially banned??? **channels inner Monty Python** I fart in your general direction, Write Agenda!!! You wouldn't know what to do with a Grail shaped beacon if one lodged its way up your buttocks!!! There, I said it: BUTTOCKS. Write Agenda is BUTTOCKS! Ban me, Write Agenda!!! I triple dog dare you!!! And...and...neener neener!!!”


JAYE WELLS has the audacity to insist that money should flow to the greedy word slingers who insist on making an honest wage for their "work." If that wasn't bad enough, she is also a member of SFWA, with whom she had a child out of wedlock. Poor little Remainder Wells is being brainwashed by his vampire-porn-writing mother to believe that writers are people, too. Boycott her now. Do it for the children!


KEVIN HEARNE is a member of SFWA and once sat on a panel moderated by John Scalzi, so he should damn well be boycotted by the cockwaffles at The Write Agenda. He even recycled an empty can of Scalzi's private stock of Coke Zero, so he's been well and truly contaminated with Concern for Other Writers. He occasionally frolics on the boards at Absolute Write and spends his extra time building miniature siege weapons armed with marshmallows. Boycott that fucker now!


DIANA ROWLAND deserves to be boycotted because she's Evil. (Jackie Kessler will vouch for this.) Not "ha ha she's so evil" but "Hard Core Rule in Hell Evil." Plus, she once licked John Scalzi's sausage and has the photographic evidence to prove it. Also, she once ran for office in SFWA but lost, which makes her a Scalzi-Sausage-Licking Evil Loser. Totally worth boycotting.



JEANNE C. STEIN deserves to be boycotted because she was declared a corrupter of American Youth by a "researcher" at BYU-- what, she doesn't write YA, you say? That didn't seem to matter. Maybe that researcher also works for The Write Agenda


ALLISON PANG deserves to be boycotted for so many iniquities. Purveyor of all things Hello Kitty. Writes about panty-sniffing, ass-biting unicorns. Guilty of using the phrase “Turgid Magnificence.” When she's not dreaming of daemons with deer peens, she's fantasizing about the board of SFWA--all with deer peens.


ANTON STROUT deserves to be boycotted, because he’s the epitome of “Writer! Beware!” Writer of bad sex scenes. Writer of failed sex scenes. User of words like "asspony." According to his one-star reviews, the man-child shouldn't be allowed to write at all. You can help by boycotting him! Do it now before he gets on one of his tirades about how there's room for BOTH indie publishing AND traditional publishing alike. Somewhere a self-publishing unicorn just died reading that sentence. Boycott the mofo now!


STACIA KANE should totally be boycotted because not only is she a member of SFWA, and not only has she written blog posts Writer Beware has linked to, and not only has she gotten hate email from scammers, but she's a moderator at Absolute Write. Really, she's practically a Gimme. (Not to mention her books are filled with sex and drugs and all that stuff.)


DAKOTA CASSIDY should be boycotted by The Write Agenda because she writes shitty, shitty paranormal/contemporary books with the maturity level of a twelve-year old (sorry, kiddies!). Oh, and also because she hopes to own the tiara for Miss Most Boycotted 2011 and make that bitch hers!


K.A. STEWART should be boycotted on general principal. She kicks puppies, eats bunnies, picks her nose at the dinner table, and those are her good traits. Most egregious of her sins is that she is a permanent resident of Absolute Write, where she is often found in company of a secret obscene cult that worships The Almighty Junk.


CAROLYN CRANE deserves to be boycotted because she often directs writers who are seeking guidance to Absolute Write and Writer Beware, thereby helping to deprive needy scammers of victims! AND, she draws pornographic cartoons AND wanders around in public under the demonic influence of chocolate!


KELLY MEDING deserves to be boycotted because she's just another pretenda who stomps around Absolute Write in her big old Moderator boots, squashing the writing dreams of others. She dares think that writers should (*gasp*) get paid for it. Yep, GET PAID FOR IT. Not pay others for it. She writes (*gasp*) fantasy, too, full of violence and monsters and strong women kicking ass, and inflicts these on the unwilling public via (*gasp*) commercial publishing.

KAT RICHARDSON deserves to
be boycotted, because not only am I a Leaguer and a member of the SFWA and a friend of John Scalzi's but I'm so horrible I didn't even have time to write up why I'm so horrible! (but no fear, just as horrible Nicole added me in, cuz she wuvs me!)


To show their solidarity with both Absolute Write and Writer Beware, the League wants YOU to be boycotted, too. If you're a writer, BOYCOTT YOURSELF IN COMMENTS. Tell us why you deserve a thorough boycotting. If you're a fan, get your favorite author over here and get them boycotted!

All the cool kids are boycotted. Why aren't you?

If we get 100 authors to boycott themselves, we'll EACH donate $15 dollars, to be divided between SFWA's legal fund and Absolute Write. Help us put our money where our mouths are, AND GET TO BOYCOTTIN'.

118 comments:

ciarcullen said...

I wanna be cool enough to be boycotted. I regularly peruse the offending sites. I also wash my darks and lights together. Last night I used the 2-second rule on a Cheese-it I dropped on the floor. I'm a small press author with big boycotting dreams. Sigh.

Phiala said...

SARAH GOSLEE should be boycotted because she writes zombie erotica. And science. (But not, as yet, scientific zombie porn.) Science and zombies are both bad influences, and not to be encouraged: people might learn to think for themselves, and that the undead are just like us only deader. (Also, they smell worse.) Not only that, she spent time alone in a small room with John Scalzi talking about writing!

Marguerite Butler said...

Marguerite Butler should be banned because she desperately wants to be one of the cool kids and banning is all the rage these days. Please don't make her admit in public that she's never been banned from anything.

Plus she has stompy AW Moderator boots. SUPER Moderator boots. That ought to be good for at least partial banning or may even a good shunning.

M. R. Sellars said...

M. R. Sellars should be boycotted because he wrote his own blog post pointing out that the commenters on Scalzi's blog were being wrongfully pedantic about the use of the word "literally" as a pun, as well as the grammatically correct use of quotes to highlight its satirical intent. Oh, and also because he writes books that would probably piss them off. Besides, his books have been banned from a Catholic High School in Saint Louis. Why not add another boycott/ban to the list.

Martha Wells said...

Martha Wells should be boycotted because she writes fantasy novels for a living, links to Writer Beware's posts from her blog, and tells aspiring writers how they should avoid crazy scamming jerks by reading Writer Beware.

sue laybourn said...

Sue Laybourn should be boycotted because, not only is she a member of the Cult of Absolute Write, but she writes filthy, filthy erotica. She also makes sure she gives credit to Absolute Write for leading her astray and giving her a generous leg-up on the road to being a published author.

In short, Sue is unspeakably disgusting.

Unknown said...

Thea Harrison should be boycotted because she's a member of SWFA, and she thinks Writer Beware is the BOMB. Plus her characters often misbehave, and they enjoy enthusiastic sex. And sometimes she writes in her flannel pajamas.

Rachel Caine said...

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO.

Rachel Caine is so evil that boycotting is far too light a punishment for her vampire-lovin', Djinn-bonking (hey, I'm a YA author, don't judge!), youth-corrupting ways. I say that I must be BOYCOTTED BY THE DEVIL AND JOHN SCALZI or it's just not on, people. Although I cannot compete with Diana Rowland's sausage-licking. YET.

And I just participated in a panel about writing scams. In which I did not advocate them.

Also, member of SFWA. So there.

Suzanne McLeod said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shauni said...

When I grow up I wanna be boycotted too.. Just who do these ruffians think they are ignoring all of us? We deserve to be boycotted! No, we DEMAND to be boycotted!!

Suzanne McLeod said...

Suzanne McLeod should be boycotted because she lurks* at Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler for all the wonderful writerly goodness they dispense. Not only that, Suzanne is the bastion of all that is British when it comes to Buttocks! She would like to gently point out to her friends over t’other side of the pond that it’s ARSE not ASS. Our British behinds don’t bray when it comes to sniffing out those crappy boycotters, but they sure know how to deliver a stink to flush out a shitty bunch of con artists – so take that, Write Agenda! (no bad puns intended, of course *g*)

*Lurking is what shy and reserved British authors who write about potty-mouthed sidhe fae do . . . *looks shifty*

Victoria Strauss said...

From an already-boycotted writer--thanks! I've FB'd and tweeted this, for the sake of other aspiring boycott-ees.

Mike Arnzen said...

As a writer, I absolutely beware myself all the time. So please cott my boy, WriteAgenda. He needs a good cotting. Or clotting. Yeah, BOYCLOT ME. #occupygrubstreet

Chuck Rothman said...

I'm hurt I haven't been boycotted. I assume that this is only an oversight on the part of the Write Agenda, since my comments aren't in places they're noticing. This is intolerable; if they're going to be petty, they should do it in a big way.

Moira Rogers - Bree said...

I certainly need to be boycotted, because I spend at least 4% of my time screaming about the difference between NET and GROSS when it comes to royalty rates. And while 4% isn't very much time, I have a VERY shrill voice. Honestly. It's all squeaky and really very annoying.

Boycott me for the sake of eardrums everywhere!

barrettmanor said...

Julie Barrett should be boycotted because she's been writing about Yog's Law for years. She's accepted those nasty, evil checks from publishers. She's even cashed them! The horror! She joined SFWA to help stand up for writers. (Well, that and the secret handshake. Was I supposed to mention that?[grin])

R F Long said...

R. F. LONG should definitely be boycotted, for not only using but recommending Absolute Write and Writer Beware to unsuspecting others, writing about naughty fae princes, and things that have never actually happened in real life. And for now preparing to do all this with a YA audience too!!! The hussy.

Pamela {Spaz} said...

can't... stop... giggling...

Monica Burns said...

Okay, I SOOOOO deserve to be boycotted because I am relatively unknown so it's not going to affect me at all. Sad, but true. And because Dakota Cassidy and Allison Pang are roster members here. They can personally vouch for my need to be boycotted as I am a kick-ass, AR broad who loves swords and isn't afraid to use them. And I reiterate. Boycotting me is pointless.

Lisa Hughey said...

Lisa Hughey deserves to be boycotted because after signing with a REPUTABLE agent and yet still unable to sell her thriller, she had the balls to publish it on her own without the aid of scammers.

Kelly McCullough said...

I should be boycotted because I stand with my fellow writers against the predators and scam artists. I even teach Yog's law when I leave my writing lair to teach the occasional class every couple of years.

Sophie Littlefield said...

Boycott me! Boycott me NOWWWW! For several years as Juliet Blackwell and I wander around trying to inspire our fellow authors to finish their books, we always conclude by telling them about the marvelous sites online where they can get good, true guidance. Writer Beware and Water Cooler...and also AgentQuery and others on which we relied heavily (HEAVILY! - said I of the hundreds of rejections) before getting published.

Also I write disgusting books. There's nowhere I won't go...cannibalism, drug-dealing grandmothers....even sex for people over 50.

Jan O'Hara (Tartitude) said...

Jan O'Hara should be boycotted. She's a member of AW and tried to extend it's evil, evil reach by interviewing that site's owner. Furthermore, she regularly pimps out citrus. We all know the corrupting powers of Vitamin C.

DeadlyAccurate said...

Carla Harker should be boycotted, not only because she's been known to use the word fuck in her writing, but because she's even said it out loud!

Also, she writes about people shooting each other, and she's been an active member of Absolute Write for years. Plus she admires Victoria, Ann, and Richard (who was left off the boycott, even though he's a member of Writer Beware, because The Write Agenda isn't even competent enough to boycott all of them).

Saundra Mitchell said...

SAUNDRA MITCHELL should be boycotted because she writes for teens, and you can't trust an adult who thinks about teens, EVER. Especially when she's thinking about twisting their minds to her personal agenda, which is DESSERT FIRST, DESSERT ALWAYS. She is a scourge, and a cultist, and is probably writing something reprehensible about ghosts, ouija boards, or clairvoyants right now.

Jess Haines said...

Jess Haines should be boycotted because she's just that sexy. I mean, the NERVE of her, traditionally publishing and getting paid for that swill about vampires and werewolves and who knows what-all! Also she hangs out on and has the temerity to refer people to Absolute Write, and is a member of that nasty business called SFWA.

I hear she kills kittens, too.

<3,
-J

Pat Kirby said...

P. Kirby needs to be boycotted, she needs it baaad! Oh, so bad. Boycott me, baby, boycott me like you've never boycotted anyone before. Not just with one little cheesy, flashing GIF thingy, but with several. Make it hurt, baby. Make my boycott so bright it can be seen from space. Mmmmmm. Yeah, baby, boycott me.

Teresa said...

Teresa Frohock should be boycotted because she has been directing other writers to Writer Beware for several years on Helluo Librorum. She continues to read and refer authors to Writer Beware and has been known to drop by the AW site on more than one occasion.

Now she is published and continues to engage in bad behavior by linking to Writer Beware on her homepage. She has further tainted her name by hanging out with that Tart Jan O'Hara, and we all know what SHE’S like.

Teresa's novel contains acts of incest, non-stereotypical Christians, and occasionally uses the word "fuck” both in her novels and when encountering weird boycotts by people like those who are at The Write Agenda.

Gwen Hayes said...

Gwen Hayes should be boycotted because of her association with Scott Baio. Also, she writes kissing books. Eww.

Jill Sorenson said...

Panty-sniffing, ass-biting unicorns! That killed me.

Jill Sorenson should be boycotted because she read this whole post and LOLd.

Priscilla said...

Fantasy map artist and WHEDONISTAS contributor Priscilla Spencer should be boycotted, because she sacrifices pies and breakfast cereals to the majesty of Mary Robinette Kowal!

She is also a known associate of Jim Butcher, and John Scalzi went to one of Jim's signing tour stops, implicating him, as well. Jim and Priscilla have been sighted squeeing over John Scalzi's brilliant works. They are enemies of The Write Agenda, virtue, and freedom!

Tamela Buhrke said...

Tamela Buhrke should be boycotted because she flashed her girls at the Writer Beware & Absolute Write Water Cooler Mardi Gras Party.

...and she didn't even ask for beads, she luvs them so much.

What?

They didn't have a Mardi Gras party?

Crap. Where the heck was I? And who saw my boobs?

Gabryyl said...

Gabryyl Pierce should be boycotted as she is extremely ammused by all of this. She hasn't actually been published or anything, but her non-existent books must be banned now before they can corrupt the children. She also showers once a month, wipes boogers on her pants and has the general slovenly habits of a teenage boy so you know she's incredibly dangerous...and smelly.

Helen Hollick said...

Well I know I'm already boycotted - no one bothered to tell me about this group until my mate Suzanne McLeod and her mob at Spellcrackers.com let the secret slip. So what's been going on? I'm seriously miffed! See if I care about being boycotted! Hah!
And yes - its ARSE not Ass. And there's a U in most words. Like HonoUrable and FavoUrite and ColoUR...
Got it?
:-D

Even the captcha's joining in - I've got the word FARDLE.... how fab is that!

Beth C. said...

Beth Cato should be boycotted because she witnessed Kevin Hearne and John Scalzi sit on a panel together, and she LIKED IT. Which makes it sounds like some sort of crazy slash or yaoi thing, but it was really innocent. She thinks. There was a table in the way.

Also, she's an associate member of the SFWA who is working towards full membership because she wants to be completely corrupt and evil like all the cool kids.

Worst of all: her cats' food dish is empty and those poor babies are STARVING. Think of those poor, yowling twenty pound tabbies and boycott this bitch.

P.N. "Pat" Elrod said...

I would be honored to share yall's collective company in boycotty badness!

Also I want to sincerely thank TWA for the boost to my book sales since making their list.

They've been good to me and I appreciate it. I should set up a booth in the Walmart parking lot and hand out tracts about them.

Rachael Herron said...

Boycott Rachael Herron for combining cozy knitting and steamy sex in her books (the horror!) and also because she believes without the Water Cooler she might have signed with the wrong agent instead of the Absolute Write Right one. Also, because she's a jealous bitch who will get seriously bent if she's not put on the boycott list with all her friends.

Karina Cooper said...

KARINA COOPER should be boycotted because she tweets the ever-loving hell out of things JUST LIKE THIS. Although she's never met John Scalzi (bonus!), she does communicate regularly-ish with Kevin Hearne on Twitter (fail!), and it's a well-known fact that Twitter's brain-washing rays can infect someone just by LOOKING AT WORDS. And since Kevin Hearne sat on a panel with John Scalzi, then decided to spread his Tweeted Transmitted Diseases all over the place, well, let's just BLAME KEVIN HEARNE.

Wait... This is about Karina Cooper, right? Sorry, sidetracked.

NOT ONLY has Karina Cooper been known to drop an f-bomb IN PUBLIC (gasp!), but she's clearly a lot of words that end with -ist. Anarchist (have you seen her hair?), activist (down with the man! power to the people!), adoptionist (she has 4 cats, 2 rabbits, and college kids that aren't hers), opinionist (and how!), polytheist (one for every occasion), antiprohibitionist (you have to ask?), querist, revisionist, verbalist (like that wasn't obvious), and most importantly...

She's laughing her ass off at WRITE AGENDA right this second. She must be one of those damned organizationists.

Sir Otter said...

Mark Orr should be boycotted because he posts occasionally on Writer Beware, posts frequently on Absolute Write, has been published by boycottee Janrae Frank (Hardboiled Horrors: Tales of the ParaNOIRmal, available at Amazon or Smashwords), and has bent the elbow at the late, lamented Mulligan's Pub with fellow should-be-boycottee M.R. Sellars.

Karina Cooper said...

KARINA COOPER forgot to mention that she's a member of RWA, and is actually published, so she's a little upset that she's not being boycotted. How many times does a lady have to write "cock" to get attention? For crying out loud!

Of course, RWA isn't SFWA... but it's only a few graphic sex scenes and a happy ended away from THAT travesty. A little pro-action would be appreciated, WRITE AGENDA!

(This comment or one like it may post twice. Not because Karina made a mistake, but because she's THAT SPECTACULAR.)

rebekahjamesauthor said...

Rebekah James wishes she too were cool enough to be boycotted. To achieve this goal, she has friended Writer Beware on Facebook AND Twitter, and has Absolute Write as her start page. She dreams of someday being a member of SFWA, and has actively stalked most of the League members, offering cookies and attempted to send fan letters to John Scalzi.

rebekahjamesauthor said...

Rebekah James wishes she too were cool enough to be boycotted. To achieve this goal, she has friended Writer Beware on Facebook AND Twitter, and has Absolute Write as her start page. She dreams of someday being a member of SFWA, and has actively stalked most of the League members, offering cookies and attempted to send fan letters to John Scalzi.

OFG said...

Wait for me! Wait for me! I don't want to be left behind!

Jennifer Dahl should be boycotted because she lives with cats and writes like Daphne du Maurier. (Her agent said so.) And she ignores sites like Write Agenda 'cause they -DoH!- have an agenda. And she likes the word 'and' and uses it at the beginning of sentences 'cause she's perverse. And she likes the word 'that', too; and uses it as much as she possibly can before the second draft. And she has two novels available on Kindle, so be sure to boycott them!

And -oh! Yeah!- almost forgot: she's a jackbooted, shock-collar wearing modmistress at Absolute Write, too. (She's the one in the low-cut red dress, wearing an eye patch and carrying a pirate sword. She likes pirates.)

And THAT'S the truth. Plllpppppbbbth!

Lisa Kessler said...

Ha! Excellent Blog!!!

Lisa Kessler should be boycotted for her fictional familial relations to Jackie Kessler!

And if that's not enough her first book casts a priest as a villain!

Blasphemy, right?

So... Well... Where's my boycott??? LOL

Lisa :)

unseelieme said...

I love the League! lol

I'm sooo sad I can't be boycotted ... because I'm not a published writer.

Can I be boycotted because I've read every single one of the League's books, loved and blogged about all of them on my site? And because I aspire to someday be a published author (when life stops kicking me in the ass)?

And hey, I was creative genuis and president of the Nice Buns Committee in college. Yes, I groped college men's asses in bars with my friends and held a subversive secret contest for Best Buns (with prizes!) And I swear like a trucker.

Seleste deLaney/Julie Particka said...

I need to be boycotted. Hell, BOTH of me need to be boycotted.

Seleste deLaney is known for unleashing her foul-mouthed rants around the internet. In addition, you never know when sex will pop up in her books...and it might be with someone other than the hero. No one is safe. To make matters worse...

her other half, Julie Particka, encourages children to sneak out at night and strip naked in the woods to go running. She's also prone to promoting the idea the love is love no matter what genders are involved. If you care about your children at all, you should boycott her for sure.

jamesrtuck said...

I totally want to be a Reluctant Adult and I want to be boycotted too!

Sarah W. said...

Sarah Weiss, though not an author, should be boycotted because she is the right hand to the evil author, Rachel Caine, and also because she enjoys curse works, runs a library filled with books by all the above authors, and generally has been brainwashed by all the evil authors she has worked with or read over the years.

J.A. Souders said...

J.A. Souders needs to be boycotted because she really, REALLY want to be a Reluctant Adult and uses the f-bomb frequently in her books and real life. Though not as frequently as kissing, and groping, and (dare I say it) sex. Also,she's a firm believer in Yog's Law and is Writer Beware's beeotch and has made sure to follow them in all the appropriate (and/or inappropriate) places. :P And is jumping on the chance to join SFWA now that her completely inappropriate books are under contract and she is actually getting PAID to write this sh(* in direct rebellion to the those a TWA.

katjameson said...

I say boycott the lot of you AND all of your friends/followers on Twitter/Facebook. Now THAT would send a statement.

What was the statement again?! Oh hell boycott me too.

Sir Otter said...

I ought to add to my previous comment that I paid Janrae absolutely nothing to have my book published by her. Which means I am a Yog's Law drone, I suppose. And by the way - piss, shit, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. I believe that's all seven.

Also, in my WIP Dead Women in Love (which Melanie Jackson has called 'a splendid mix of Dashiell Hammett and Dark Shadows'), my hero has graphically-depicted raunchy necrophilic sex with both a vampiress and a frisky lady ghost. Not at once, though. Not in the current draft, anyhow. ;) Hmmm, now there's an idea...

Michael Capobianco said...

I can't think of anyone more deserving of being boycotted than Michael Capobianco. Not only has he served as President of SFWA, not only does he act as an unofficial helper for Writer Beware, but he's -married- to Ann Crispin!

Verity Caine said...

Verity Caine would not exist without Absolute Write. She haunts the erotica forums almost exclusively, and has a penchant for saying rude words far too often. She would indulge in an AW orgy given half the chance, the kinkier the better. She wants to be boycotted more than she wants to be published and when she sees the letters TWA, her first thought is that it might be one letter short. She's so crude that boycotting is far too good for her, but she wants it anyway. When she gets published, it will be all down to the wonderful and despicable folk at AW. Also, she likes firkytoodling. Oh the shame - except she has none.

Amanda Bonilla said...

Best. Post. Ever.

If lurking on Absolute Write and reading posts from Writer Beware, coupled with the gratuitous use of "fuck" in all its forms and writing sex scenes that'll curl your toes earns you a boycott...then count me in!

Suzanne Lazear said...

Suzanne Lazear should be boycotted because she writes book with kissing in them, and YA books should never, ever have kissing. Teens might get ideas, you know, and you don't want that. She also has an unhealthy obsession with cupcakes, and tweets about them, which probably is contributing to the US's obesity problem.

Renee Miller said...

Renee Miller should be boycotted because she already called TWA a bunch of assholes - several times. To make matters worse, she drops f-bombs on Facebook, Twitter, and in her writing and she's just published a book that really NEEDS to be boycotted.

She also features gratuitous sex in her paranormal and suspense novels. Sometimes the people engaging in carnal shenanigans are married-TO OTHER PEOPLE. Some of them aren't married to anyone at all. And not one of them goes to hell for their sinful fornication.

Last, she laughed so hard reading this blog that she deserves to be punished. She's so going to share it all over the place too.

Sir Otter said...

I hate to keep popping up here, but I checked to see if I was on the list yet and I wasn't, but I spotted someone who was based on participation in Atlanta Nights. Why isn't Allen Steele there, then? I've known Allen for over thirty-five years, and can personally attest to several instances of the use of foul language and other anti-social behaviors on his part. Or would were it not that I would also have to implicate myself. Not sure what the statute of limitations is on some of those activities.

P. David Gardner said...

Insist on nothing less than one of their unique, worthless Cease and Desist letters. You're nothing till you get one of them!

Kyle said...

I deserve to be boycotted because I always tell young writers that money flows TO the writer, and they should never pay fees to agents or publishers (except in the form of commission). And, also, my work is just that bad. :)

Patricia said...

Hahahahaha *can't stop laughing*

Now I want to be an author just to be boycotted. But I think if readers can be boycotted I should be because I'll buy one book (I don't already own) of each of the authors mentioned in this post just for the fun of it. Or because I'll make Carolyn Crane-pornographic-cartoons-T-Shirts. :D

Rebecca Royce said...

Rebecca Royce should be boycotted because she's an all around bad person. Boycott her, save your children!

A. C. Crispin said...

You all are having so much fun with this that I'm jealous! I'm already boycotted, I'm one of the TOP TWO boycottees, matter of fact. Does that mean I can't tell you about the times I strip naked, paint myself blue and sacrifice a black chicken (cock!) during the dark of the Moon to gain inspiration for my next book?

Or that I think the reason the The Write Agenda "ninjas" have quit stalking me is that I've been attending conventions and signings in my pirate costume, which includes a CUTLASS? (Not that I know how to use the thing. But I do recall Arya's observation from A Game of Thrones, to wit: "Stick 'em with the pointy end."

Ahem.

And I'm married to Michael Capobianco, who was SFWA President for THREE terms. I was a SFWA Office for 14 years, two of which I was Vice President. And then I became Chair of Writer Beware back in 1998.

So I say to The Write Agenda...nyah, nyah. Send on those ninjas. If you have the courage.

-Ann C. Crispin

Kat Richardson said...

And me too! I wanna be boycotted, because not only am I a Leaguer and a member of the SFWA and a friend of John Scalzi's but I'm so horrible I didn't even have time to write up why I'm so horrible!

Katrina said...

KATRINA MONROE should be boycotted because her lesbian not-so-erotica erotica is too good for the Write Agenda. Oh, and she's quite the bitch too.

Kari said...

KARI GREGG should be boycotted because she wrote a blog post earlier today entitled "In Defense of the Fuckfest ~ A Smut-Lover's Manifesto" complete with "Yes to the Fuckfest" site badge for pervy smut supporters. And she was totally serious. o.O Take that crazy bitch down, down, down!

S.M. Carrière said...

I'm already on the boycott list... and I don't know why!

It must be because I'm such a terrible person I have a permanent link up to Writer Beware on my blog. How DARE I?!

Can I still count as one of the 100, or am I banned for already being on the boycott list?

Jennifer Wells said...

JENNIFER WELLS may look innocent on the outside, but her friends say she’s the most evil person they know! She oozes sarcasm, curses so much she makes up new bad words, and reigns as the self-proclaimed Queen of Snark. She lurks on the Writer Beware site and flaunts her support for Yog’s Law by cashing checks from her publisher without even a hint of shame. *gasp!* Teach her a lesson with a well-deserved boycotting and a good spanking!

Richard White said...

I really think I should be on the boycott list.

Why?

Well, darn it, I'm actually a member of Writer Beware. In fact, I'm the only other member of Writer Beware besides Ann and Victoria. And, I'm the only guy member too.

That's right, I'm a guy. Now, if that's not a boycott-able offense, I don't know what is.

Oh yeah, I'm also a Media Tie-in Writer. One of those types . . . we're definitely not trustworthy. (And I even wrote comics . . . ooooh.)

So, yeah, I demand to be boycotted too!

marty said...

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For the easy payment of $1999 your book can be professionally boycotted by such organisations as Write Agenda, Concerned Mothers of Concerned Concetina Players, National Organisation of Soap and many, many more!
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alan-yee said...

Alan Yee should be boycotted before he ever manages to publish a book-length work. His youthful innocence was destroyed by those big evil meany Writer Beware and Absolute Write people when he was thirteen. They taught him such evil things as Yog's Law and about what legitimate agents, publishers, and editors do, which would no doubt help him sometime later in life. He is now two weeks shy of his twentieth birthday, and he doesn't even care that he was brainwashed as an innocent little tyke! No regrets whatsoever. He should be boycotted for his lack of remorse for not attempting to de-program himself.

Never mind that he has not yet published anything purchasable, he should be on this list in preparation for when it finally happens. He writes short stories and occasionally novels that often star icky gay people who have lives, use varying levels of profanity, hold hands, kiss, and even have sex during the course of the story. He mostly writes fantasy of some kind or another. You know, fantasy--that despicable genre made up of escapist, meaningless literature. Boycott him for that, too.

Liz said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the grin, and for the commentary. A boycott declaration from "that" organization is a badge of honor.

lindapoitevin said...

Me too, me too! Linda Poitevin deserves to be boycotted because she's an upstart new writer who believes that the profession should be *gasp* PROFESSIONAL. And that writers should interact with one another and share information and ideas just like *double gasp* REGULAR PEOPLE do. Oh, and she's a member of the dreaded SFWA, too. See? A total upstart.

Jennifer said...

I enjoy reading alot even more if they are boycotted because it makes me feel like I'm doing bad thing without doing a bad thing. I'll have to go out and read some more of these authors. *gets out pen and paper for a list*

Adam Israel said...

Adam Israel should be boycotted because he's long-time supporter of Writer Beware, a moderator at Absolute Write he writes Science Fiction and Fantasy, including GLBT characters, swears all the fucking time and will stand up for anyone's right to do the same.

Russell and Sherri Davis said...

As the most recent past President of SFWA, and one of those who support Writer Beware personally as well when I was in office, I certainly deserve to be on the boycott list. In fact, I was heartbroken to discover I wasn't already. I feel deeply insulted that they ignored the fact that I worked with MWA to get additional financial support for Writer Beware... hurt by their apparent lack of knowledge that I wrote the public letter on Harlequin's self-publishing imprint... and devastated that they totally missed the fact that I gave Victoria Strauss the SFWA Service Award. So please, boycott me!

norilana said...

Vera Nazarian needs to be boycotted not only because she writes fantasy and science fiction and supports Writer Beware, but because she is Travis Tea (#13), the magnificent acclaimed author of the notorious, allegorious, fangorious, and otherwise g(l)ory(ous) masterpiece that is ATLANTA NIGHTS! (Google it. Do it now.)

Donna Andrews said...

Heck, my only credential for being boycotted is that I often steer people to Writer Beware and sing the epic saga of the creation of Atlanta Nights. Does that count?

Hey, wait, I've got proof. I link to them on my website, in the advice to writers section.

Donna Andrews
donnaandrews.com

Ailsa said...

Ailsa would like to one day be a published author so she can be boycotted too, for writing about sexy vampires & werewolves in britain when she's barely old enough to drink across the pond.

And also for heartily agreeing with Suzanne Mcleod - it's 'arse', not ass!

Laughing so much from reading these descriptions!

~Ailsa

Sean T Poindexter said...

Sean T. Poindexter should be boycotted because, when he's not writing paranormal thrillers for Crescent Moon Press, he's living in an abandoned airplane hangar cleaning his guns. Why? Spetnaz, that's why!

Point is, he is not a stable man or someone you want around you. For example, he once he lit a car on fire because the owner mocked his pants--in his defense, Sean claims he didn't know the guy was in the car at the time AND that they were really nice pants. Also, he wrote this blog making fun of The Write Agenda (http://seanpoindexter.blogspot.com/2011/10/say-something-mean-really-loudly-agenda.html) where he compared them (unfavorably) to Pastor Terry Jones's cult of book burning lunatics.

Praise Tiamat,
Sean T. Poindexter
www.seanpoindexter.com
http://on.fb.me/seanpfanpage

Juliet Blackwell said...

Boycott meeeee! I write about WITCHES, and even though they're tame enough for grandmas to read to their grandbabies while still bouncing on their knees (whatever that means) I've been banned from lots of bookstores which, I presume, are too wholesome to talk about things like "magic". Plus, I also had a baby out of wedlock with Writer Beware.

Christine Norris said...

I should absolutely be boycotted. I have been a member of AW for almost 10 years, have five published books AND Publish ScAmerica once threatened to sue me. Sent me letters by courier and everything.

I totally deserve a boycott.

cussedness said...

I'm already boycotted so I guess I can't be part of this. *BIG SIGH* You are having so much fun here!

Janrae

Roxanne Skelly said...

I boycot everyone 'cept those who give me coffee. If you don't like that? Boycot me.

Shira said...

I totally need to be boycotted! I spew crap from my fingertips and dare call it writing. Oh, I used the word fuck... a few times. And there is evil foul witch craft in my writing. If that's not bad enough, I dare to read many of the previous authors and actually PAID for their books! Oh, and I LIKED it, it got me all damp in the panties.

zeelandia said...

Boycott Ellise Heiskell! Boycott me with those flashy gifs that give me geocities flashbacks. I want you to throw in maybe a few of those animated "under construction" signs too. And do it in comic sans...yeeeeeah, real dirty.

Boycott me because I've flown over the state Scalzi lives in. Because I buy a lot of books. I aspire to be a member of the SWFA, but until then I'll continue to write alien/robot YA love stories, poetry about the LHC, preach Yog's law and drink enough coffee to float a tanker.

(I've also been known to put cats in bowties. BRING IT.)

Blakely Chorpenning said...

Boycott me for printing out Absolute Write posts and rubbing them across the bare nipples of neighbors while reading aloud to educate everyone on the block. Or for cutting out a photo of John Scalzi and crocheting a badass banana-hammock for it so my grandma won't blush when she sits next to it at church. Or for trying to self-pub my own urban fantasy book -complete with supernatural fuckers and undead shit- at an expense level that won't pimp slap my bank account and make it take the walk of shame the next morning.

astreabaldwin said...

Astrea Baldwin should be banned, quickly, before she is able to publish a single word. What better thing to do than to slay the dragon in its infancy?

And because she has a brand spanking new "Yes to the Fuckfest" button.

Viv Arend said...

On the 'Boycott, but be gentle' list: Vivian Arend. Because rumor is that she's nice (which is an evil sin in itself) and chats to newbies about things like chocolate intake on release day and the proper ratio of alcohol consumption/review reading. She's also so freaking Canadian she apologizes for having fun while making a living. Forget the fact her werewolves are too busy being snarky to rip out a single throat, there's just something wrong with a person who is enjoying life and forces others to consider doing the same.

Nancy said...

Boycott Nancy Haddock because she wrote a surfer girl vampire. Vamps are bad enough but a surfer? Who dos that shit?

She also lusts after Scalzi, recommends SWFA to everyone she knows, and detests scam artists of every make and model. So there!

Proud to be soon-to-be-boycotted
Nancy Haddock

J. Tepavcevich said...

Boycott Jennifer Tepavcevich, whenever she gets published because, well, she has a bullshit-o-meter and a supporter of the SWFA.

Also, she doesn't share her espresso with anyone and listens to heavy metal music way too loud while writing.

Proud to be future-boycotted,
Jennifer Tepavcevich

KSJ said...

Boycott Keeley Saint James! Her books are bloody, sarcastic AND profane! She frequents sites such as Writer Beware and often lurks in the alleyways behind scuzzy bars that promote muscians with questionable hygiene! She's a coffee chugging machine who needs her mouth washed out with soap. And she's CANADIAN (egads!). 'Nuff said.

Bill Bodden said...

Bill Bodden should be boycotted because, well... NAIL HIM BEFORE HE GETS STARTED! Yeah, that's it.

GinaRosati said...

Gina Rosati should be boycotted because she writes books that suggest you question everything everyone has ever taught you. And also because she has a cold and you don't want to catch it.

Ari said...

Like Bill Bodden, Ari Meermans believes she should be boycotted before she gets started because . . . well, hell, because she deserves the distinction. She supports Writer Beware on Twitter and at AW's Water Cooler where the cool kids hang, AND because she owns many of the Leaguers' books.

Write Agenda, please find it in your hearts to boycott a poor girl who's never been boycotted. Please. Before it's too late.

Matt Forbeck said...

I want TWA to boycott me because, hey, I got kids to feed. Won't someone think of the CHILDREN!

Also, they sometimes think I'm the MEANEST DAD IN THE WORLD!!!! (Again, THINK of the children!)

Plus I write books I wouldn't let them read. Not until they're older. Much older. Like, I'm already dead older. (I'm THINKING OF THE CHILDREN!)

Ari said...

Sorry. It's Ari Meermans, again. Write Agenda, I just thought of the best reason I should be boycotted: Ari Meermans is "MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter". (Don't know what Mac means by that, but I think it's a great title and, therefore, should be worth a speedy boycott.)

Thanatos796 said...

Paul Clifford Should be Boycotted because he has yet to finish a manuscript, has never heard of the said sites, and really wants to play with the big kids.

Brenda Hyde said...

I want to be boycotted cause the first short story I ever wrote was about zombies and they weren't evil. Damn it. Plus I pimp out all the league on goodreads and my blog-- I dream of eating chocolate with them. I dream of STEALING Michele's chocolate too:) *evil laugh*

Metz Photography said...

I want to be boycotted because my characters say fuck too much, speak fluent sarcasm, and encourage me to troll Writers Beware so that they might some day see the light of day and not be forced to live within my computer's hard drive.

Alice Loweecey said...

I darn well ougt to be boycotted because I write ex-nun fiction. Hear that? NUNS. With sex! And dirty pictures! Plus I Tweet Yog's Law as regularly as an old lady's BMs when she mainlines prune juice. On top of that, whenever I give an author talk, I hand out a crowded sheet of paper with ALL the scam and vanity sites on it, plus links to Writer Beware AND Absolute Write. Boycott me! Do it before the army of angry nuns with pitchforks and torches crashes my next signing! Your time is running out.

FigmentQueen said...

Steph O'Connell should be boycotted, because not only does she praise and worship the offending sites, but also drags down other authors who might be trying to make that incredibly smart move of publishing with Publish America and the like, by steering them away at the last minute.
She has read books by many of the boycotted authors, and plans to buy all the rest, believes that the money goes to the author, not FROM the author, and LOOOOOVES licorice flavoured ice-cream.

Alice Loweecey said...

I have yet another reason to be boycotted! The good people at Absolute Write reminded me that I left out the ruler whackings and the regular "discipline" I administer with the Spatula o'Doom. I am evil, I tell you! All right-minded people should boycott my books with energetic protestation.

j. a. kazimer said...

j.a. kazimer must be boycotted too. After all, she's named her first born child Beware and her poor cat Absolute or was that Absolut after the vodka...

Either way, she's spent years following Writers Beware and the Cooler. Hell, at least 900 of her rejections are these two sites fault (not her writing. She is an excellent writer. Her mom tells her so all the time (LIKE HER MOM READS HER WORK). Anyway, boycott a way Write Agenda, but make sure to spell my name write...

astreabaldwin said...

I should be boycotted because I wrote BANNED the first time. And because I just "liked" the Write Agenda on Facebook for amusement. You know, the point and laugh kind. Geez, what's a girl gotta' do?

Vyrdolak said...

No, no, no, no, I don't want to be boycotted! Not at all! You see...hidden in my novels are cunningly coded, but obvious to the perceptive reader, messages in which I reveal exactly who is behind the Write Agenda, what their real objective is and how they can be foiled. If they don't all buy my books and read them cover to cover, very, very carefully, they'll never know what I've said about them! Not only that...they must buy several copies each because the code is split into segments and scattered randomly through different editions. One of those editions is an ebook version but I'm not going to say which one.

So, Write Agenda definitely does not want to boycott me. They'll never find out what they're missing! (And don't tell them. Shhhhh.)

KaliAmanda said...

Kali Amanda Browne should be boycotted for her profane, godless ways, and the fact that in her first novel the one sex scene is hinted at but not thoroughly explored. What is that, for fuck's sake? She likes WB and loves the Scalzi. Communist slut!

eldonhughes said...

EldonHughes most certainly deserves boycotting. Not only does he expect to get paid for his writing but, when he doesn't, he's been known to give it away, free! Imagine, being in writing for the reading, instead of just for the money you can take from unsuspecting victims.

jonlevir said...

Jon Respaldiza should be boycotted - even though he hasn't been published - because he read through the entire Writer Beware archives before even giving the scammers a chance to fleece him!

Also, he is a lurker on AW, and has used the lessons he learned on both sites to help his wife spot job application scams before she fell for them! HE'S SPREADING THE INFLUENCE OF WB & AW BEYOND THE WRITING WORLD!

Finally, he writes science fiction AND fantasy, sometimes at the same time. The horror...the horror...

julierandolph said...

Well shit! I demand to be boycotted! I am not yet a published book author (I demanded they pay me, God I'm a bitch), however I have written both sci-fi and drama teleplays that involve death, rape, sex, violence and fucking curse words.

I have also (for free, gasp!) written truckloads of fan fiction whereupon I killed (not necessarily in this order) Hermione Granger, Sirius Black, Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, all the Malfoys, most of the Weasleys and let Ron commit suicide. I did not, however, kill Voldemort. Ha! Bitches!

I am a proud member of SFWA and hover about the Water Cooler where I offer advice for (sharp intake of shocked breath) FREE, and submit my own work that is promptly dissected and I am told for the 876th time that it is not necessary to name every fucking prop I make up. Those sorry bastards, offering me good advice, what the fuck were they thinking?

Oh, and my mentor is Darynda Jones who's main character often frolics with the Spawn of Satan.

I'm fairly certain I've broken the majority of the 7 mortal sins and yet still convinced that God loves me. Probably the 10 Commandments as well.

And most condemning of all ...wait for it ...I didnt think the movie Priest sucked. I quite enjoyed it.

John G. Hartness said...

John Hartness should be boycotted because he writes vampire novels, and everyone knows that vampire novels are soooo 2006. He's also a redneck living in the Carolinas, and a rampant abuser of alcohol and fried pickles. He should certainly be boycotted for his tendencies toward tequila-fueled karaoke.

kit-r-writing said...

Kit Russell deserves to be boycotted because she not only used the word "fuck" in last year's NaNoWriMo, but she also had characters engaging in said activity. A lot.

Maria Lima said...

Maria Lima deserves to be boycotted just because every writer deserves a good boycott.

E.Maree said...

Emma Maree Urquhart deserves to be boycotted because she writes dark stories for impressionable young people, and patches together fictional mythologies out of real religions.

frank said...

I so need to be boycotted simply because I include Absolute Write and Writer's Beware links on my website and because even though I've only released one short story and have two novels in the works, I know that when they are released they will shoot to the top of their list for boycotting, hence save yourself the trouble and just do me now.

Christine Tripp said...

I AM on their list but I'm greedy, I think I should be on this list too! If the original list is my 15 seconds of fame, this would make it half an hour, awsome!
Chris

Karen Packard Rhodes said...

Karen Packard Rhodes deserves to be boycotted because, as a historian and genealogist, she prefers facts and citation of sources; as a former librarian, she has no use for anyone who proposes to censor or burn books; as the possessor of a great and wonky sense of humor, she's laughing her not inconsiderable ass off at the sheer idiocy of this so-called "write agenda;" but mostly because the sexy cachet of having been boycotted will help the sales of her niche non-fiction works!

PD Singer said...

Can I be boycotted too? Because I love chocolate hogging, deer-peen writing, Absolute-Write loving authors who do other heinous things in the name of scammer deprivation.

Tom Dark said...

You sound like a bunch of ignorant wannabes willing to let some greedy shits tell you what to think, pretending to know who's good and evil while selling you trash like useless memberships and "professional editing."

Because of a lot of unbelievably dishonest smears these greedy shits posted about our 35 year old agency known for nothing BUT integrity, I looked into these ne'er do well would-be pop writers and "gate keepers."

THE WRITE AGENDA had found very similar to what I found, independently. I don't care who they are. The facts are the facts.

Want a little bit of actual inside info? REAL publishers are beginning to get pretty sick of these dishonest assholes you're praising. I certainly am. If you're a real writer, you don't need silly shits like this to declare who is good and evil. It's not rocket science.

bit.ly/rhk9m2

Who the HELL Do We Think We Are?

We're a bunch of paranormal romance and urban fantasy authors who occasionally blog, make filthy jokes and prowl the halls of conferences and conventions with switchblades!

Current roster: Mario Acevedo, Michele Bardsley, Sonya Bateman, Dakota Cassidy, Carolyn Crane, Molly Harper, Kevin Hearne, Mark Henry, Stacia Kane, Jackie Kessler, J.F. Lewis, Daniel Marks, Richelle Mead, Kelly Meding, Allison Pang, Nicole Peeler, Kat Richardson, Michelle Rowen, Diana Rowland, Jeanne C. Stein, K.A. Stewart, Anton Strout, and Jaye Wells

******************