Is it a zombie?
(Note: When I wrote this out it was a cool little chart, but for some reason it didn't post that way, and now I've spent like an hour and a half on it so you will read it, dammit.)
Here's how to tell:
If you're walking down the street
A. Is it moaning and stumbling, with its arms held out and its head at a strange angle?
Yes. Keep reading, it may be a zombie!
No. Is it wearing a leotard?
Yes/No
Is it wearing black-and-white makeup?
Yes It is a mime. Run!
No Probably not a zombie
B. Are its clothes dirty and tattered?
Yes Does it have a heavy beard?
Yes Probably not a zombie
No Is it a drunk?
No Is it a man?
Yes Could be a zombie
Is she missing a shoe?
Yes Probably a zombie
No Is she hot?
Yes Dude, go for it
No Call her a cab
C. Did it attempt to eat your brains?
Yes Run, it's a zombie!
No Probably not a zombie
At the office:
A. Is it wearing the same outfit it's been wearing for days?
Yes Keep reading; it could still be a zombie!
Is it the office slut?
Yes
Do its lovers still come to work the next day?
Yes Just a slut
No May be a zombie
Is it the office slob?
Yes Just a slob
No May be a zombie
B. Does it smell of blood and death?
Yes Is it your boss?
Yes Bosses always smell like that, but proceed with caution
No May be a zombie
No Probably a zombie
C. What is it eating?
Brains It is a zombie
Donuts It is just a co-worker. Who steals donuts.
Here's how to tell:
If you're walking down the street
A. Is it moaning and stumbling, with its arms held out and its head at a strange angle?
Yes. Keep reading, it may be a zombie!
No. Is it wearing a leotard?
Yes/No
Is it wearing black-and-white makeup?
Yes It is a mime. Run!
No Probably not a zombie
B. Are its clothes dirty and tattered?
Yes Does it have a heavy beard?
Yes Probably not a zombie
No Is it a drunk?
No Is it a man?
Yes Could be a zombie
Is she missing a shoe?
Yes Probably a zombie
No Is she hot?
Yes Dude, go for it
No Call her a cab
C. Did it attempt to eat your brains?
Yes Run, it's a zombie!
No Probably not a zombie
At the office:
A. Is it wearing the same outfit it's been wearing for days?
Yes Keep reading; it could still be a zombie!
Is it the office slut?
Yes
Do its lovers still come to work the next day?
Yes Just a slut
No May be a zombie
Is it the office slob?
Yes Just a slob
No May be a zombie
B. Does it smell of blood and death?
Yes Is it your boss?
Yes Bosses always smell like that, but proceed with caution
No May be a zombie
No Probably a zombie
C. What is it eating?
Brains It is a zombie
Donuts It is just a co-worker. Who steals donuts.
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