Initiating League Protocol Zed

By -

Burst transmission, all channels, New York City. 9:12 a.m. EST.

Ok, WTF people?! I know it's a half day Friday here, but could you fucking pedestrians show a little less sluggishness in the streets and get out of my way?

Hold the phone...

*pulls out the League Emergency Preparedness Guide*

Fuck... we got zombies. This is not a drill, League! Sure, that was e-coli on those tomatoes.... idiots!

*checks the LEPG again*

"I need to talk to Supply about labeling the flamethrowers properly. They really should come with a large sticker on them that says: WARNING! USE ON ZOMBIES ONLY PRODUCES FLAMING ZOMBIES!
-Simon Canderous, New York's Department of Extraordinary Affairs"

*reaches into Resident Evil 4 and pulls out the infinite shotgun*
Everyone to the League Safehouse NOW!

*puts on t-shirt with the image above on it*

BLITEOTWD

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE WRITE PRETENDAS

By -
Image
WE at the League of Reluctant Adults are pissed. Miffed. Put out. Thoroughly riled. We don't often get political, nor do we often get angry. But an angry Leaguer is an UGLY thing. Just look at Mark over there, all snarly with rage. Why are we angry, you ask? BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GET BOYCOTTED. There's this group calling itself "The Write Agenda," who claims to be a bunch of authors looking out for other authors. In reality, we're pretty sure they're a bunch of con artists who got mad at people calling them con artists. Why? Because they attack two of the best friends an author or an aspiring author can ever have: Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler . Here's John Scalzi's breakdown of what this Write Agenda is, and why they're doing what they're doing. For those not in the know, Writer Beware and Absolute Write Water Cooler are free services that collect information on agents, editors, and publishers. They report on thin...
Read more

Carniepunk Giveaway and Tour!

By -
Image
So, I'm sitting in my kitchen working at my laptop, as far as you know, when the doorbell rings. As any normal human being would, assuming there was a solicitor at the door or a sappy-eyed child selling diet-busting candy, I reached for my gun and slipped to the floor to avoid detection. Creeping across the hall, I lifted my head just in time to see the bestest shit-brown truck that ever existed barrel away leaving a puffy beige package on my doorstep, just like an unwanted baby...or THIS... YESSSSSSS!!! Carniepunk ARCs came!!! Now, some of you may know that this literary wonder was the brainchild of my friend and fellow Reluctant Adult, Kevin Hearne, author of such Iron Druidness as HOUNDED and star of a certain Single Ladies Dance Spectacular, featured here (feel free to witness that particular madness as you continue to read toward the inevitable contest): As excited as I am about my story in CARNIEPUNK (July 23rd), THE SWEETER THE JUICE (a post-apocalyptic zombie h...
Read more

5 Great Horror Movies to Rinse the Bad Taste of Ouija Away

By -
Image
In my ongoing effort to save you from studio horror movies cobbled together from the compressed shit of Hollywood burnouts, I bring you alternatives to OUIJA! #insteadofouija OUIJA has hit DVD/VOD and there's nothing we can do about that but don our gas masks, hunker down and pray for dawn. A horrifying prospect, but at least we can be entertained while waiting for the fallout to subside. Here's a few fantastic 2014 horror movie releases to make you feel like the world is still worth living... OCULUS seems to be a secret to this day. Despite some great buzz and a truly inventive style of storytelling, bouncing back and forth in time so fast the audience is left in a constant state of unease. The story wraps itself around a rapidly deteriorating family relationship brought to the brink of insanity by the presence of a haunted mirror. And that's where things get weird. The acting is pretty above average and the horror set pieces are jarring. OCULUS wasn't my fav...
Read more