Seattle has a supervillain

When you live in a world of fiction, it's sometimes hard to return to the real world and accept its truths. Like, most romantic banter isn't all that witty or even really bantery. Magical forces can't be summoned in times of need. And there are no superheroes and villains waging epic battles in our midst. Until now. Meet Rex Velvet, Seattle's self-proclaimed "people's villain." I admit, I was surprised to learn that Seattle had a supervillain who was challenging our city's superheroes because I hadn't known we had those either. But, apparently unbeknownst to me, Seattle's been a battleground for costumed superheroes walking our streets. Their leader is named Phoenix Jones, who appears to be the main target for Rex Velvet's villainy. Rex released a video on YouTube earlier this month, calling out Phoenix and stating that Seattle would no longer put up with costumed antics. Rex's declaration caused a ripple of excitement in the internet community and among pop culture geeks in general. Immediately, people began making suggestions of crazy supervillain things that Rex should do in our fair city: steal North Face jackets, put a handlebar mustache on the Space Needle, and hijack the monorail to...well, nowhere. Rex got a Facebook page and a Twitter account, and people waited to see what was next. "Next" was another impressively well-made video, in which Rex again reiterated his position against superheroes. He even offered up anti-superhero poster for people to download and post. There was no mention of other villainy and mayhem, although we did learn that Rex has an astonishing car collection. Personally, I'm a fan of Rex Velvet. He has a handlebar mustache, an eye patch, a scar, and a bowler hat. You can't get much more villainous than that. He also has a mustache ring and a bottle opener that looks like the Space Needle. Plus, his name makes me think of red velvet cupcakes. I'm a sucker for hilarious well-made videos, and I would love to see a battle of videos and other social networking ensue between Rex and Phoenix. Unfortunately, based on Phoenix's recent comments, it doesn't sound like he's going to play ball. This means one of three things has to happen, or else Rex is going to fade into obscurity: 1) Another superhero with a better PR machine needs to come forward on YouTube 2) Rex needs to start a major merchandising campaign of mustache swag 3) Rex needs to unleash a dastardly plan, like stealing all non-prescription glasses from hipsters on Capitol Hill How's the Emerald City going to get out of this one? I guess we'll all have to stay tuned to find out.