Writers are freaking crazy...

...but you knew that, right?

We write fiction all day long. So we spend good portions of our day lying. Writers are awesome liars. And gods. (In our minds.) After all, we control whole worlds, and people (the ones we make up, of course. Hell, I can't even get my son to brush his teeth on a regular basis), and we CREATE.

We also work in an industry that makes no sense. None. Publishing doesn't operate like the real world. Oh, not that I could operate within the real world. Stick me in a corporate job or make me do normal-people things, and my soul will wither and die. So, writing it is. Because mental institutions cost money, and I have no health insurance. Also, I cannot be without a computer more than twenty-four hours or my soul with wither and die.

Yes, publishing is crazy, so it makes sense writers are crazy, too. Who else works hours and hours every day without even knowing when they'll get paid? In a recent conversation with my boyfriend, he was like, "Wait. You turn in the book before you even get the check? Why would you do that?" See, that's normal-people mentality. Normal people work, and get a check once or twice a month like clockwork. Writers work every day and get paid ... um, whenever the mysterious and confusing "processing of payments" occur. Honestly, I think the accountants have wall calendars and darts labeled with writers' names. Then they bring in drunk monkeys and give 'em the darts. Those little furry bastards throw the darts at the calendar and whatever day it lands on is the day we get paid. God help us if a dart lands in the ceiling or a desk or an accountant's ass.

Not only do writers write for inconsistent paychecks, we also spend money and time promoting our work. 'Cause the publishers like to say that we have "online marketing." That means we have a website and we post on Twitter and Facebook 2,300 times a day. So, not a lot of publisher promotional investment in the book we've written (but have not been paid for), and because we're certifiable (AKA writers), we spend our own money on advertising, and do blog tours, and go to really expensive conventions, and jump on every promo opportunity out there.

I love writing. I love being an author. I don't always enjoy all the crap that goes with the job, but I feel damned lucky I'm able to write full-time. And the thing is, once you're in, once you're writer crazy, there's no going back. I can't be normal. I wouldn't even know how. That's why I hang out with other writers because they understand the crazy, empathize with the frustrations, and follow the golden rule: If you were paid, then you buy the booze for the rest of us. Because if I don't connect with other writers over multiple chocolatinis, then my soul will wither and die.

***Leave a comment. I'll choose three people to win autographed copies of NEVER AGAIN. Because I'm crazy. And also, nice.***

DA WINNERS: Random Number Generator sez Stacie, Nancy, and Johanna get autographed copies of NEVER AGAIN.

Comments

See and I don't think I could ever quit my day job. Which is in accounting. And yes, I agree with you about the publishing world being a crazy one. It doesn't make any sense. I almost want to work in the accounting department at one of the houses just to see where they tick and tie. I bet it's a nightmare!
Cid said…
I like you crazy! :D
JM said…
Damn, everything you said in here is totally true. You made me realize how crazy I am. Thanks a lot. I was floating along in this noble little writer world, but you've just slammed me down.
No, seriously, great post. Love the idea of the monkeys. I have often wondered that myself.
Crazy can be cool but I'm glad your nice cuz I would love to win this book! Thanks for a great post this morning!

evjochum[AT]aol[DOT]com
B.E. Sanderson said…
Yup. Frickin' crazy. Bull moose during a rut crazy. Chihuahua who ate daddy's stash crazy. Ready for the padded room and the 'I love me' jacket. Otherwise why would I put myself through this?

Nice to know I'm not alone. ;o)
Stacie said…
You ARE nice! I've been looking forward to Never Again!

Until two years ago I had no idea that writers had to spend their own money to promote their books. It wasn't until I started following author blogs/vlogs that I learned you are never JUST a writer. You have to wear many hats to help make your books a success. I don't know where writers find enough time in the day to write, edit, promote, blog, vlog, etc, etc.

Good luck with Never Again!

Stacie
user1123 AT comcast DOT net
faefever25 said…
Haha this was cute.
I understand what you mean, I love writing but for me I could never not work a day job because all my hobbies are expensive.
Thanks for the giveaway,

Karen
faefever25 AT hotmail DOT com
katjameson said…
You know "normal" is highly over rated. I vote for crazy everytime because it is just more fun. And yes to the yes about girl time and drinks. It is the stuff that binds us together when we feel like falling apart.
Thanks for the insight on the sacrifices of being a writer. =) I hope Never Again performs well for you.
Margay said…
I agree with katjameson and so would my daughter - normal is overrated! Bring on the crazy!
A. B. Fuller said…
Hell, yes! Writers are crazy! Oh to be able to write full-time instead of being trapped behind this desk from 8-5 M-F longing to be in my own world of aliens and crop circles.

I'm surrounded by "normies" all day long who don't have an inkling of what it's like to be the goddess of all I survey! It's a lonely existence toiling in this office full of people who haven't a clue what they are missing in their boring, normal lives.

But, I need the health insurance, so I toil away longing for a minute to slip into my secret world...

Pick me for the winner! I deserve it! ;-)
Mippy C. said…
But Michele, your kind of "crazy" is why we love you. Or maybe it's because most of us lean toward the crazy side and can just relate to you.

By the way, congrats on the new release :) And not just any release - a Romantic Times 4.5 stars TOP PICK. Smoookin'!
unseelieme said…
You're not crazy, you're artists. Your art is words that you weave into worlds. Getting paid (even if its inconsistent) means that people looked at your art and said "Damn, I have to have that" and that's much more satisfying than a normal job, right?

And who wants normal anyway? Normal is getting up at 6am to go to work at a repetitive 9-5 job where you have to dress like everyone else, do what some power hungry person tells you, deal with people that you wouldn't associate with if you didn't have to, and suppress everything that makes you an individual. Normal sucks. (just sayin')
Mario said…
When I grow up I wanna be like you Michele. Such a good un-normal role model. Great post.
Teril said…
Yes, thank you to all you wonderful authors! Your suffering brings us much joy. May you have plenty and win the lotto.

terilhack at yahoo dot com
Lori said…
And that's why we love you Michele. Crazy recognizes crazy and gravitates towards it.......LOL
Nancy G said…
I wish I could quit my day job and just write, but unfortunately those pesky things (rent, utilities and food) are things I need right now. So it is part time writing, hoping that someday, I will get to retire from the real job and just be crazy. thanks for the post, it made my day.

nancyg5997@gmail.com
Qwill said…
Happy Release of Never Again, Michele. Crazy is good!

-Q
Dragonwytch said…
Here's all to the crazy people out there!!!! I think we're all a little crazy whether we're writers or not. I think we have to be to be able to survive the crazy world we live in! :-)

I do love the drunk monkeys picking payday for all writers! LOL And I'm sure there are all people out there who get paid the same, much to their dismay.
at least your are not a musician. I have had to unfollow all of my favorite artists. I never knew their lives were full of so much WAITING for a train, plane, drink, set or a song to drop. Or their turn on NPR, late night shows or interviews. I think that I will follow you and see just how unnormal you are.
Megan Haskell said…
This made may day. I want so badly to be as crazy as you are, but I'm still working the day-job. Some day I'll win the lotto, or my husband will get a fabo new job, or I'll make it big with my first novel (here's hoping, right?) and I'll be able to follow my crazy. Until then, I have to put up with the normies and write in the extra hours. I keep the office door shut and pretend to lock them out. Or is it that I'm locking myself in? I dunno... :)
Richard said…
Crazy is good! Happy Release of Never Again, Michele.
Claire said…
He he - drunk monkeys :) If being crazy is what makes your books so awesome please don't ever become sane!
Tabitha said…
Love the Broken Heart series. I feel like a junky, I'm so addicted to them. I agree if crazy makes your books so good, don't seek professional help. We'll got the funny farm with you. Keep up the great work.
lindalou said…
Thank you for putting yourself thru all the craziness to give us reading pleasure! Please enter me in your contest!
Beatrice said…
Wonder if you can bribe the crazy monkeys?? Thanks for the contest Michele
vampgirl13 said…
I love and hate how much u authors love to write. I work at borders in Australia n seeing all the new books come in is paradise n torture. But then thats probably more my fault lol.
I love to read it is way great get away. Writers like Michele Bardsley have inspired me to write.
Suzan Isik said…
So.... are you saying there's something WRONG with crazy?

*blink blink*

I don't get it.

:P
(not entering)

I think though that crazy is something special creative people have that the rest of wish we could scoop up and swallow :) I love that you writers are crazy, play god, and control your worlds (ok at least the imaginary ones) because then us readers get to escape into them for a few hours! It really does help us keep the wheels of the corporate giants running cause I am telling you without my book escape no telling what I would do to those servers of mine!
Loa said…
As alternative, and somewhat celebrity, lifestyles go, you could do worse. At least you don't have to do you job completely in the public eye. Like really, how would some writers look rolling around in crap, take after take, like Mike Rowe (oh the pictures in my head make me giggle!), or have your migraine brain meltdown on live TV... True, public time is required, and prostitution of oneself and talents are expected(get your mind out of the cat house), but the great thing about being the creative type, it is very easy to become whomever you want for those public times. You can still keep the insanely unstable, Sybil clannish personality to yourself while putting on an air of normalcy for those you meet.
What! I know it's not just me!
Alexia561 said…
Wait....you mean all writers don't get huge Stephan King-sized advances before even writing their book? I'm devastated! *L*

And anyway, I've heard that normal is highly overrated.
A. J. Larrieu said…
Ah! Love this. Thanks for sharing the crazy.
Great blog. I am really looking forward to reading this one.
Pumkin5364 said…
I'm going with Crazy and I look to you for correct guidance!
NoraA said…
Crazy can be good. I was once encouraged to write my memiors by a friend who has a newspaper column, he even said he'd help. I laughed my ass off. Who in their right mind would want to learn that much about my childhood? Now, I sit here reading books that nice people (authors) send me, or publishers offer, or am gifted by other reviewers and I post pithy reviews about them. I'd love to win a copy of "Never Again". Did you know that is also the battle cry of a Zionist Youth Group that is International? Brit Trumbeldor Betar. It is based on the Battle at Massada.
Randy Nuttle said…
Great post! I have often thought that I would be the next great writer
except for all of my bad habits, liking to eat on a regular basis, sleep where it's a comfortable temperature and dry. Oh and being pretty lazy also.
Congrats on the new release!

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