The Barely Sane Interview with Michele Bardsley. Now with even more CONTEST!
Paranormal funny lady Michele Bardsley joins me in the League Lounge today. Well..."join" may be too strong a sentiment. You see, someone's been spreading gossip about my League interviews. Telling "authors" that it's not exactly safe to come to the lounge for what is--in reality--perfectly harmless book and writing talk. I've got feelers out and have a couple of suspects in mind (WATCH YOUR BACK ROWEN!). Now. If you'll just take a moment and head on over to Amazon to order Michele's newest book, WAIT TILL YOUR VAMPIRE GETS HOME. That'll give us plenty of time for the ether to wear off.Me: Michele? Michele?
*shakes her shoulder gently (cause I am...gentle, you know)*
Michele: (groggy talk) I promise, Mommy! No more wire hangers! ... Wait. What? Hey, where am I?
Me: So nice of you to visit today! Our League readers have been chomping at the bit to hear your witty insights. Are you coherent yet?
Michele: Mark? What the hell did you put in that Starbuck's mocha?
Me: I'm terribly sorry that I've had to resort to such extreme measures. If some people wouldn't make up stories about me I wouldn't have to. Would you like a soda? Aspirin?
Michele: Uh, no. Why am I tied to a chair? Oh, my God. You zip-tied my wrists? Seriously. I can't feel my arms.
Me: There there. You just calm down, I'll release you after our little chat. Easy peasy. Now. Tell us about Broken Heart, Oklahoma. It seems to be festering with the undead these days, wouldn't you say?
Michele: You ... uh, want me to talk about my book? It's kinda dark in here. What are those skittering noises?
Me: Don't worry about those. Now, I've read the first book in your series and I can tell the readers that there's a fair amount of genitals bumping into cheeks and such. Is Wait Till Your Vampire Gets Home equally as naughty?
Michele: Ralph Genessa and Libby Monroe get hot for each other. A lot. Then again, they are sharing a dragon soul and have this thing for fire. Still, I don't recall writing any face-to-genital bumping in this novel. But my memory's not so good when I'm terrified beyond all reason.
Me: Well thank the good lord for that.
Michele: You're happy I'm terrified? I'd heard you were sick, Mark. I mean, the coffee can was going around for donations for your treatments, but how much therapy can you get for $3.42? Um ... you know, those sounds are louder than before. Do you have rats down here or what?
*notices Michele inching for the cellar--I mean Lounge--door, reaches down for the bottle of ether and some gauze*
Me: This won't be necessary, will it?
Michele: No, of course not. I'll be good.
Me: Great! So tell everybody what got you interested in writing paranormal romance, and particularly funny paranormals?
Michele: Laughter is the best medicine. Hahahahahaha. Well, unless you're in a situation with a clinically insane author who writes about zombies and conducts interviews in rat-infested basements that smell like ass. You know, hypothetically speaking. Then it's not funny. Laughter doesn't help much. Maybe screaming does. HEEEEELLLP!
Me: Oh...sorry. The house is kind of secluded. I should have told you before so you wouldn't lose your voice. I swear I'm not gonna hurt you though we really should get some questions answered before my pets need to be fed.
*Michele's mouth drops open*
Me: Just kidding. It's just the cats runnin' around. Nothin' to worry about. Now. What's next for Broken Heart? You've got vamps, and werewolves and zombies running around. Now there's dragons. What else do you have up your sleeves?
Michele: Just my arms, I swear. Oh, you meant figuratively. Right? The next book features Broken Heart's mechanic, Simone Sweet, and former para-terrorist soldier, Braddock Hayes. Brady is introduced in WAIT TILL YOUR VAMPIRE GETS HOME. Anyway, Simon and Brady's story is called OVER MY DEAD BODY. You know, figuratively. It's not a suggestion or anything. *gulps*Me: Exciting. How about this...Hollywood comes a courtin' and asks you who you'd like to see in a Broken Heart TV version. Who do you have in mind?
Michele: James D'Arcy. He played Bishop in that travesty of a vampire movie called Rise: Blood Hunter. But the boy can act. And this time, he could play a sexy vampire with no psychopathic tendencies. I would love to see Nathaniel Parker as Ruadan. As for female leads, I think Ali Larter would make an excellent Jessica.
Me: Who inspired you to write?
Michele: I've always wanted to be writer. I know that's lame (really, you don't need the cattle prod, Mark), but seriously. I have a bunch of favorite authors that make me want to be a better writer. Including you, Mark. You're my favorite.
Me: Aw shit. Now that was poignant right there. Last one...what's your favorite book and just how much to you love snarky zombie bitches, cuz I know I do? Hmm?
Michele: I don't have one favorite book, but honestly, I'd have to say that Dave Eggers' A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS is a must read, especially for writers. But other than that, my most favorite book ever is ROAD TRIP OF THE LIVING DEAD. I love snarky zombie bitches. I mean, I would say that anyway seeing as how you have the cattle prod and the mace over there, but truly, you haz mad skillz.
Me: Thank you. *grins wildly* Well now, see how good you've been, besides all the snotty comments and screaming and all? I'm gonna let you go, but I know where you live so you just keep that trap shut hear?
*Michele nods and then as soon as I get the ties off her she bolts. Doesn't even say goodbye or nothin'. Ingrate.*
Me: *calling after her* You come back soon! And mind the alligators!
*********
So another Barely Sane interview draws to a close...
You can order Michele Bardsley's WAIT TILL YOUR VAMPIRE GETS HOME from Amazon or wherever it is you people buy books. And drop by her yahoo group and blog for some more Broken Heart Oklahoma, or just to goof off, she's not at all opposed and she probably won't scream as much.
Now...
For the main event. Contest! Contest!
Michele left a couple of things lying around under her chair. Let's see. A signed copy of BECAUSE YOUR VAMPIRE SAID SO and a copy of Dakota's ACCIDENTAL WEREWOLF. Fun. You'd think that'd be plenty prize for all you contest hounds but since we at the League are trying to save publishing, I'll throw in a book of the winner's choice (no hardbacks though, you bitches aren't going to drive me to the poorhouse).
So just leave a comment, ask a question and make sure to tell us all what book you want me to shove up your Thanksgiving cornucopia!
I'll pick the winner on Monday at Noon PST, so you've got till then to enter.
Comments
Hmmm. Book....uhhh. I have lots of choices in my head, but...hmmm...I can't pick. How about a Christopher Moore book of your choice? or that other guy... Chuck something?
Oh ... and if you happen to 'run' into Michele again ... could you ask her what her favourite part of the writing process is? You know ... is it the first draft, editing, promotion ... interviews?
And if you feel the need to unburden yourself of those books Michele left behind I would be more than happy to take them off your hands ... and maybe you could throw in one of your own?
Thanks!
Question for Michele - which Broken Heart character is the hardest to write?
Book if I'm the chosen one - Dead Until Dark (Sookie #1) or Living Dead in Dallas (Sookie #2) (True Blood rawks). Thanks :o)
--Leslie
I'd really like Michelle's BECAUSE YOUR VAMPIRE SAID SO. Please, Please?
But you said to ask a question and I can't think of one. Except maybe how do they let you get so close to them at this point in your rep?
Peggy
Fun interview with Michelle!
(Also, yay for macbeaner's shout out to Christopher Moore!)
Ok for question: hmm how long on average does it take for you to write a book? (that leaves it nice and open lol)
Oh and for 3rd book, Im totally stealing Cici's idea (thanks sweetie lol)!
i will be happy with any book! cuz i llluuuurrvvee them tooo much to decide. :D
My question for Michelle is mostly why she drank something you gave her in the first place....? :P
~Jana
Hmmm... Ali Larter as Jessica? After all the mentions of Patrick and Lorcan looking like Pierce Brosnan, I'm imagining Ali and Pierce together.
Mmmmmmm.
Oh.
Where were we?
Who else would you cast as some of the other characters populating Broken Heart? What about Stan? Or Ralph?
And as for books, I'm with CiCi... I'd want an ARC from ya, Mark! Don't forget the signage too, man, can't forget that. No skimping, ya hear?
Ummm... How about one of your books, Mark? *begin shamed confession*I haven't read any of them yet*end shamed confession*
That was a fun interview. Thanks, Mark and Michelle.
-t.m. thomas
Personally, I would gladly volunteer to be a vamp if it would mean getting rid of my stretch marks...another thing that happens when you are a mom.
The book of my choice would be Knight's Fork by Rowena Cherry.
I totally got my lolz for the day! Great interview.
Don't enter me in the contest :)
Tyava -- Ssshh. My favorite part of the writing process is surviving to write another day. Actually, I love to rewrite more than any other part of the process. First drafts are a bitch.
Leslie -- I'd have to say that Eva was a challenge for me. It took my five tries to finally get her story started. Once I figured her out, it was great. But since she was the heroine after Jessica, it would've been hard anyway.
Anyway, Rottie Mom ... the time it takes to write a book varies. Usually about three months or so.
Wentdy -- There should be seven Broken Heart books. The fifth one comes out in May and the sixth in January 2010.
JSB -- I'm sorry, a free Starbuck's mocha? Wouldn't you take it?
Becca -- Casting Stan ... I dunno. Michael Chiklis, maybe? As for Ralph, I like Chris Evans for him.
Unless, of course, they are zombie alligators.
That would be a nice touch. It's the little details that make all the difference.
On a completely unrelated note, the next book I was planning to get from our amazing local urban fantasy writers was Succubus Blues. I'm just saying.
I don't suppose that any of the water-based supernatural would be particularly comfortable in Oklahoma, therefore no selkies, mermaids, etc. But werebears are possible, right? Oooh, chupacabra migrating north?
Hmm, I'm being a little incoherent. Mark, did you spike my sweet potato?
Michele, would you rather see your books made into movies or a TV show?
Happy Thanksgiving!
Megan
I promise I'd review it for Drops of Crimson! ::grins::
Michele, did you watch Fantastic Four recently? I mean, first Michael Chiklis, and then Chris Evans...? ;)
:)
~BeckyTwo
My question would be - what made you decide write a series about vampires in a small town?
I already have Michelle's and Dakota's books and loved them so I am totally stealing this idea from Cici but if you happen to do another drawing for the third book and you just happen to have another ARC just laying around, that would be super cool.
If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring author, what would it be?
Oh, and if I win, I'd like One Foot in the Grave by Jeaniene Frost.
Claire
For my book pick..I have been meaning to get my hands on Red by Jordan Summers.
Thanks again!
Natasha A.
I am so glad that you got out safely!! I think that possibly you should use the fund to get Mark help to buy your next Starbuck's mocha. Did the zip ties leave marks...this may be difficult to explain during your Thanksgiving dinner.
Mark~
Obviously, you are extremely charming because there has to be more your appeal than just the Starbuck's mocha. Just a thought...have you ever considered just asking politely for the interview in a public location??
Free book...I will have to, also, steal Cici's idea of your arc.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
As for books, should I win, pleasant surprises are always nice.
( My guess? NO. Judging the market here..., but that's just me)
And remind me to be wary of interviews, even if it was funny to read :)
Someone's gotta wonder if Michele is ok as well as what kind of pets Mark keeps. Oh! And that someone just happens to be me.
As to the book I want shoved up my Thanksgiving cornocopia... well considering I don't have a cornocopia, how about my bookshelf instead??? I'd chose Road Trip of the Living Dead.