Is it a zombie?

(Note: When I wrote this out it was a cool little chart, but for some reason it didn't post that way, and now I've spent like an hour and a half on it so you will read it, dammit.)

Here's how to tell:

If you're walking down the street

A. Is it moaning and stumbling, with its arms held out and its head at a strange angle?

Yes. Keep reading, it may be a zombie!

No. Is it wearing a leotard?

Yes/No

Is it wearing black-and-white makeup?

Yes It is a mime. Run!

No Probably not a zombie


B. Are its clothes dirty and tattered?

Yes Does it have a heavy beard?

Yes Probably not a zombie

No Is it a drunk?

No Is it a man?

Yes Could be a zombie

Is she missing a shoe?

Yes Probably a zombie

No Is she hot?

Yes Dude, go for it

No Call her a cab


C. Did it attempt to eat your brains?

Yes Run, it's a zombie!

No Probably not a zombie


At the office:

A. Is it wearing the same outfit it's been wearing for days?

Yes Keep reading; it could still be a zombie!

Is it the office slut?

Yes
Do its lovers still come to work the next day?
Yes Just a slut
No May be a zombie

Is it the office slob?

Yes Just a slob
No May be a zombie

B. Does it smell of blood and death?

Yes Is it your boss?

Yes Bosses always smell like that, but proceed with caution
No May be a zombie

No Probably a zombie

C. What is it eating?

Brains It is a zombie

Donuts It is just a co-worker. Who steals donuts.