Valentine's Day Hates Me

And I believe it always will.

I cannot think of a good V-Day I've had, ever. Well, in sixth grade my "boyfriend" gave me a box of chocolates. He snuck them into my desk and then whispered in the lunch line that I should look in there after recess. Then he took off, fast, after school before I could thank him. I suspect this had something to do with him turning out to be gay as an adult (I think, anyway. I have no proof of this. It just makes me feel better to think it after our acrimonious break-up, which invlved the passing of lots of angry notes during math.)

I have to give him credit, though, despite the fact that I think his Mom probably made him give me the candy. At least he got me something good. This has not been a theme with most of the men in my life.

Maybe that's not really fair. I know, for example, that over the years I've been gifted with a stunning assortment of perfumes I don't like and itchy lingerie. It's just that they've all run together, leaving me with a vague impression of Giorgio's Wings (which smelled on me like I'd doused myself in baby powder and rolled around on an old woman for an hour or so) and cheap red lace.

I spent my entire high school career sick with bronchitis every Valentine's Day. I think it was my body's way of rebelling.

For a few years in my early twenties we had the Punk Prom on Valentine's Day, which was always fun. Very few activities beat getting dressed up in a thrift-store 50's prom dress and drinking beer in a warehouse parking lot. (What? I'm serious.)I always had a boyfriend, of course, and when I didn't...well, let's just say I was never lonely.

And then I met my darling husband, and everything changed. Most things for the good. Valentine's Day? Not so much. The hubs and I have been a couple for eleven years now (or rather, it will be eleven years in April). That's eleven years of miserable Valentine's Day fights, usually over things completely unrelated to Valentine's Day. Last year we somehow managed to fight over the fact that he hadn't ignored Valentine's Day as I'd requested in order to avoid fighting. That was special.

We managed a couple of good ones. One year I made spaghetti and meatballs and we watched The Godfather (I highly recommend this combination, but then, The Godfather makes everything better. It's like movie MSG.) I don't think we fought, but I do know he fell asleep on the couch by about ten thirty, so maybe that's why. I seem to recall going out to a movie one year and that was good too.

But in general, I hate Valentine's Day. So cheesy. So much pressure. So much pink.

This year the only thing I've asked for is to not have to cook. Anybody care to place bets on how the day goes?


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