Eight League myths you should NOT believe

Whew! It has been a real whirlwind two weeks since my entry into the league! I didn’t know it would be so much work, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Newbie duties: completed.
I have finally completed the required paperwork denouncing Minneapolis and adopting Seattle as my “true spiritual and psychological home” as demanded by Richelle Mead, and purged my closet of all pink clothes per Kat Richardson’s instruction, and I am finally done cutting the hundreds of individual letters out of different magazines “ideally bought at garage sales” asked for by six of the league members for their “collage projects.”

Learning the truth
I will admit that before I was a member, I believed pretty much whatever I heard about the league. Now that I am in, I would like to dispel some of these myths that have been floating around about it. It just goes to show, you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

Eight League Myths: Do not believe everything you hear!!

MYTH #1: Mark Henry wears a red and black silk Rasta hat, with a matching red and black silk kimono, and he affectionately refers to the kimono as “Sir Alvin the chipmonk.”
Note: Think about it. Who would name their kimono “Sir Alvin the chipmonk”? Also, that's not even how you spell chipmunk.

MYTH #2: If you analyze the books written by leaguers, you will find that 99% of them borrow their deep structure directly from the Brady Bunch “Hawaiian episode.”
Note: Absolutely not.

MYTH #3: Nicole Peeler can say the word “cunt” and make it sound way dirtier than anybody else in known existence can.
Note: A total rumor.

MYTH #4: After dinner at the league clubhouse, members of the league yell “Snarkilicious!” when the boy comes around with people’s antipsychotics and various sleeping medications and vitamin D supplements.
Note: This is so not true.

MYTH #5: Anton Strout wears a monocle that has a telescopic lens because it “helps his creativity.”
Note: Not.

MYTH #6: Half the league members are really into needlepointing scenes from the movie Titanic, except super weird and shockingly dirty. They call it “slashpointing” and they think it will catch on.
Note: Total myth.

MYTH #7: Certain league members think it’s funny to go out to bars in a really super convincing Stephanie Meyers disguise and get kicked out for lewd and lacivious behavior while screaming, “I am Stephanie Meyers! You can’t kick me out!”
Note: This is a total rumor.

MYTH #8: Both Jeanne Stein and Rob Thurman have giant mechanical claw hands that can rip through solid rock.
Note: Pure myth.

Thank you. I hope that this sets the record straight.
Yours,
Carolyn Crane

Comments

Nicole Peeler said…
Cunt! ;-)

Great post!!!
Qwill said…
LOL Next post - rumours that are true? Please?

Awesome job.
Richelle Mead said…
You have been misinformed about the Brady Bunch one.
Katy Came said…
Well, frankly I am a little disappointed. It was those 'myths' which attracted me to the LRAs in the first place. I am saddened.

ROFLMAO
Rob said…
I *do* slashpoint and will cut a bitch who judges. There is no chipmonk, but there is a chipmunk living happily up Mark's ass...which is why Mark's ass sings in falsetto. I have apparently brutally beaten many faux Stephanie Myers. And I can't say cunt as sexy/filthy as Nicole, but I can say it with a natural born hill billy accent.
robgoodfella said…
I *do* slashpoint and will cut a bitch who judges. There is no chipmonk, but there is a chipmunk living happily up Mark's ass...which is why Mark's ass sings in falsetto. I have apparently brutally beaten many faux Stephanie Myers. And I can't say cunt as sexy/filthy as Nicole, but I can say it with a natural born hill-billy accent.
Chris said…
I am completely not convinced. Also, until you denounce Seattle, Minneapolis will be surrounding your hope with pothole pits and trapping you therein.
RachaelfromNJ said…
Too funny! Congrats Carolyn for being part of an awesome crew of authors!
Carolyn Crane said…
Nicole & Qwill: Thanks! LOL

Richelle: 100%?

Katy: LOL. Well, all the other stories are true

ROB: Snort. Well, faux Stephanies and Chipmunks consider yourself warned.

Chris: Nooooo!!

Rach: Hey, thanks Rach!!!
Blodeuedd said…
Lol, number 7 is a keeper ;)
Great post
Lea said…
LOL What Blodeuedd said, and number 8...

You are too funny Carolyn. I hope you had a great vacation! ;)
Carolyn Crane said…
Blodeuedd: That one's sort of my fave, too.

Lea: Thanks! Totally feeling silly.
Nicola O. said…
Does that mean you're moving to Seattle? YAYYY!!

I was just getting ready to write up a review on Boneshaker... now I have to think about the Brady Bunch allegory. Hmmmm, if the zombies are like tarantulas, and the deadly gas represents the curse....
Kat Richardson said…
Yes, I am the ONLY one allowed to wear pink. EVAR! MINE, MINE, MINE!
Molly Harper said…
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read here.
Carolyn Crane said…
Nicola: You so rock for knowing that info.

Kat: Yeah, thanks a lot, bc pink was a good color on me!

Molly: Thanks!!!!
December/Stacia said…
Ugh, who wants to wear pink? *shudder*
Nicola O. said…
I just have to figure out what represents the tiki doll.... perhaps... the Boneshaker machine itself? EUREKA!

Except now I'm visualizing all the characters with unfortunate perms.
Renee said…
Slashpointing, huh? That might be a hobby I can buy into. ;-)
Anton Strout said…
It's more of a miniature telescope than a monocle, really...your betrayal of League secrets shall be noted in The Book of LRA Pr0n.
Jessica said…
Well, anyone who could pull off #7 should totally do it. lol!
Moonsanity said…
Thank you for setting people straight because I know The League is pure as the driven snow, and would never partake in anything untoward. I know for a fact that Nicole is a lady and has had tea with the proper and lovely Gail Carriger. Pshaw...dirty talk, I think not.

Now I HAVE heard that Rob's character Goodfellow possesses her now and then, making her grab Mark's and Jaye's ass.
Jeanne Stein said…
Damn you, Rob-- you told.

J.
orannia said…
So....all the other rumours are true, then? *grin*
RRRJessica said…
OMG, so funny. This is totally getting Stepbacked on Monday. (and yes, I just made up an obnoxious verb).
Hagelrat said…
I'm kind of crushed the Stephanie Meyer thing isn't true. So who do they dress up as?
Anonymous said…
Kat can keep the color pink, also she have ruffles and most lace as well.

As for the Brady bunch reference, Are you sure? Because having read a few of the books from different authors. I have found the charaters magicly getting along, some I expect to break out in song and dance rutines {sp}.

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