Eight League myths you should NOT believe

Whew! It has been a real whirlwind two weeks since my entry into the league! I didn’t know it would be so much work, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Newbie duties: completed.

I have finally completed the required paperwork denouncing Minneapolis and adopting Seattle as my “true spiritual and psychological home” as demanded by Richelle Mead, and purged my closet of all pink clothes per Kat Richardson’s instruction, and I am finally done cutting the hundreds of individual letters out of different magazines “ideally bought at garage sales” asked for by six of the league members for their “collage projects.”

Learning the truth

I will admit that before I was a member, I believed pretty much whatever I heard about the league. Now that I am in, I would like to dispel some of these myths that have been floating around about it. It just goes to show, you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

Eight League Myths: Do not believe everything you hear!!

MYTH #1: Mark Henry wears a red and black silk Rasta hat, with a matching red and black silk kimono, and he affectionately refers to the kimono as “Sir Alvin the chipmonk.”

Note: Think about it. Who would name their kimono “Sir Alvin the chipmonk”? Also, that's not even how you spell chipmunk.

MYTH #2: If you analyze the books written by leaguers, you will find that 99% of them borrow their deep structure directly from the Brady Bunch “Hawaiian episode.”

Note: Absolutely not.

MYTH #3: Nicole Peeler can say the word “cunt” and make it sound way dirtier than anybody else in known existence can.

Note: A total rumor.

MYTH #4: After dinner at the league clubhouse, members of the league yell “Snarkilicious!” when the boy comes around with people’s antipsychotics and various sleeping medications and vitamin D supplements.

Note: This is so not true.

MYTH #5: Anton Strout wears a monocle that has a telescopic lens because it “helps his creativity.”

Note: Not.

MYTH #6: Half the league members are really into needlepointing scenes from the movie Titanic, except super weird and shockingly dirty. They call it “slashpointing” and they think it will catch on.

Note: Total myth.

MYTH #7: Certain league members think it’s funny to go out to bars in a really super convincing Stephanie Meyers disguise and get kicked out for lewd and lacivious behavior while screaming, “I am Stephanie Meyers! You can’t kick me out!”

Note: This is a total rumor.

MYTH #8: Both Jeanne Stein and Rob Thurman have giant mechanical claw hands that can rip through solid rock.

Note: Pure myth.

Thank you. I hope that this sets the record straight.

Yours,

Carolyn Crane