Guest Ghoul: Amanda Ashby, author of The Zombie Queen of Newbury High

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all zombie authors like zombies. Except of course when you’re me and you accidentally write a zombie book, not really expecting it to get published and then suddenly find yourself being asked a whole heap of zombie related questions that you have absolutely no answers for. See where I’m going with this?

The thing is that there are many, many reasons why I’m not a zombie fan. Not least because two weeks ago I had a blog party to celebrate the release of ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH and I though it might be in keeping with the theme to invite some zombies along.

As it turns out this was a bad idea.

Did they clean up after themselves? No, they did not. Did they hold back from eating all of my guests? Er, that would be no. Did they even bother to get me a lovely hostess gift for not complaining about all the stray body parts that kept turning up around my house? Again with a big fat no.

But apart from making bad house guests, the main reason I don’t like zombies is because, well...they’re scary. And it’s not just the flesh-munching, brain-chomping thing they’ve got going on (though bleurgh), but rather it’s their uncanny ability not to die.

I mean even when they’re all killed off, somehow one always manages to slip through. And while I can see the appeal if you’re a movie executive with a franchise on your hands, for most regular people, the concept doesn’t fill me with fluffy bunnies.

And speaking of fluffy bunnies, don’t be lured into patting one when you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse because it’s a scientifically proven fact that fluffy bunnies can eat your brains just as easily as the next zombie. This rule applies to cats and dogs as well (I’m talking to you Will Smith).

In fact I’m so scared of zombies that I decided to put together my own little Zombie Survival Kit filled with all the essential items that you will ever need to fight off the living dead hordes. And, because I think you’re all lovely and I’d like you to live a long and happy life, I want to give you the chance to win this kit.

Also, since ten to one, if you’re running away from zombies, you’ll get stuck in a closet, I thought I’d throw in a copy of my new book ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH to help you pass away the hours - unless of course you’ve fallen victim to my cunning mind control trick and you’ve already gone out and bought a copy - in which case I’ll let you have a copy of my first book YOU HAD ME AT HALO instead. I’m nice like that.

I was also going to provide a detailed escape route of what to do if zombies attacks but my Darwinian genes have suddenly kicked in and are refusing to let me reveal this information (since let’s face it, we’ve all seen enough movies to know that someone needs to get eaten and while I do like you, I’m not sure I like you that much).

So what do you need to do to win this potentially life saving kit and hilarious book? Just tell me your best zombie survival tip and you’re in with a chance. Too easy!