The Joke's on Me

My dad was the jokemeister. Every time I came to visit he'd meet me at the door with a one-liner. He's been gone eleven years now, but I like to think some of his humor lives on in my books. I miss trading jokes though. So I've got one for you.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it could be done.

Too lame? Okay, how about this one?

What do you call a werewolf with mange? Human.

Or . . .

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Didja groan? That was the point, silly! Now you've gotta outdo me! Hit me, baby, I'm ready for some giggles!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Not sure if I should put this one up here as its a bit sick but here you go.

A Vampire walks into a bar and asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why the hell do you want that?" The Barman asks.

"Because Im making a brew" says the vampire pulling out a used tampon.
Vickie said…
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts.....
Vickie said…
Lady K's favorites:
Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.....


What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence....
Anonymous said…
My friend in college used to tell what he called "existential jokes". Not sure how existential they actually are, but they still make me laugh.

What do a brick and an airplane have in common?
They both fly, except for the brick.

What's green, has wheels, and grows around the house?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Stacia said…
Okay. This is one of my favorite jokes ever:


Why does a fireman put out fires?



Because it's his job.


Seriously, it gets funnier the more you think about it.
Donna said…
I laughed & smiled at your jokes. Also, the two cannibals joke is in the popular video game Fallout. *g*
GB said…
An oldie but a goodie:

What's big, white and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?

A fridge.
GB said…
Oooh, I forgot to type this one before I posted -

Two fish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "You drive. I'll man the guns."

Think about it... Think about it...

Ha! Gets me everytime!
Anonymous said…
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

----

What stands on all fours, and goes "OOooooooooo.... OOOOOoooooo..." ?

A cow with no lips!

(No idea why the only two jokes I can reliably remember are about cows.)
Anonymous said…
My four year old's favorite joke is "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Because chickens are STUPID."
Anonymous said…
should we all stand up in the corn field and yell, "Hee Haw!" or what?
Anonymous said…
A magician was driving down the road and turned into a drive way.

Get it? Turned into a drive way? Transformed?

Yeah, I didn't get it the first time my boyfriend told me it either. =/ Just thought I'd pitch that in. =]
MonieG said…
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Ellifino! ~It sounds funnier than it looks... really.
alanajoli said…
Okay, so, the third joke you listed above? I totally got told that joke by two vampires who were dragging me to a St. Andrew's cross for a sacrifice thing. We were doing a show on the roof of a haunted house (in which I was the victim, natch), and the audience couldn't hear anything we were actually saying. We had music blaring really loudly for the rock vampire soundtrack. And the two guys who were vamping me (so to speak) would tell jokes while I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Which made the cold October evening, getting coated with fake blood, totally worthwhile. ;)

My joke addition: Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron!" The second atom says, "Are you sure?" Replies the first atom, "I'm positive!"
Anonymous said…
"should we all stand up in the corn field and yell, "Hee Haw!" or what?"

He's a -pickin', and I'm a-grinnin'
Anonymous said…
put yourself in an early 80's frame of mind and then...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was safety pinned to a punk rocker!

HA HA HA...visualize...
Deb said…
My brother's favorite:

First walks into a bar. Second guy walks into a bar. Third guy ducks.


One of my favorites:

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

Quattro Cinqo.

I also love this one:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. When the bartender asked him about it, he says, "Argh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

I told that one to my friend and now she giggles whenever anyone says that something is driving them nuts.
Adele said…
Ok I was told this one last night during the ads before Watchmen.

What is E.T. short for?

*shrug* he's just got little legs.
Anonymous said…
I LOVE these! You guys rock!!!
Nicole Peeler said…
I LOVE the driving me nuts one. Hi-larious!!!

My favorite from when I was a kid was "what's red and green and goes a thousand miles an hour?"

--a frog in a blender

It's not even funny. But I loved it. Loved. It.
Anonymous said…
What do little zombies play?
Corpse and Robbers.

What did the zombie get a medal for?
Deadication.

What did the zombie's friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?

What do you call a zombie in a belfry?
A dead ringer.

What does a zombie like to wear?
A Braincoat

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