Thursday, January 21, 2010

Superwoman

Nah, that can't be her name. But, sheez, dontcha think it's time for another girl wonder? Wait, I don't mean a sidekick. I'm talking about a straight shooting, criminal nabbing, almost all powerful lady-with-a-cape. Not that I'm petitioning Marvel Comics necessarily, although that would be pretty dern sweet, but just in case you guys are following, here are my ground rules:

1. Her costume must have straps. Don't tell me Wonder Woman didn't spend half her work day worrying about falling out of that ridiculous getup. Seriously. Nobody's boobs are big enough to hold up a strapless onesie when the fists are flying.
2. She cannot wear three-inch heels. Never mind the medical implications to the tendons, high heels won't allow her to run without risking serious ankle injury, plus as soon as she transitions from concrete to grass, she's sunk. Literally.
3. It's okay for her to cry. Not much, but some, because that's how girls relieve stress. However, she must then turn around and beat the crap out of some psycho right afterward. Because that's an even better way to relieve stress.

You guys got anything to add?

11 comments:

Jen said...

4) She should either: have long hair in a hairstyle suited to crime-fighting (away from the face!) or short hair.

Jennifer Rardin said...

Baldness is not an option for our Superwoman. Check. (Have you noticed lately how all alien lifeforms in movies are hair-challenged? I'm starting to think the makeup folks are just taking the easy way out here!)

Nicole Peeler said...

I think she should cry AND beat people up, at the same time.

Jennifer Rardin said...

We're going to have to give her waterproof mascara, aren't we?

Jana Stocks Brown said...

Costume must cover enough leg that she's not freezing her shapely arse off when she's out looking for bad guys.

silveradept said...

5) She must have reasonable proportions, or, if not, must suffer from the consequences of them regularly. Thus, if we want a top-heavy babe, she must have back support or complain about back pain from holding her chest up.

Jennifer Rardin said...

Excellent point, Jana. Hard to kick ass while also battling frostbite.

Yes, silveradept! I'm voting for less up top. Then we don't have to worry about the prospect of self-induced whiplash.

Thom said...

Batwoman is pretty bad ass. I'm just saying
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batwoman

So's the new Question
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renee_Montoya

Falcata Times said...

I've never seen the point in capes. Too much can go wrong with them. Ie they just seem so handy for a super villain to grab as you go past, get hung up in doors or caught in any number of things like your super mobile.

Jennifer Rardin said...

Excellent point, Falcata Times. Ever since I saw "that scene" in the Watchmen, I've been reconsidering. You've got me convinced. No fricking cape.

silveradept said...

Self-induced whiplash, indeed.

Which, actually, leads into another possibility...

6) She shall be of average "beauty" or will suffer the consequences of being extremely attractive. Very hard to fight crime when everybody's trying to get your phone number, is taking pictures of you (some of them hoping for some sort of lewd shot), and is looking out for you to appear everywhere so they can amass throngs of adoring fans for you.

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