A Treasury of Halloween Smart-asses!

Halloween wouldn't be complete without a few tricks, so I invited three of my most serious literary author-type friends to share their favorite holiday memories...

******************************

I love Halloween night. Maybe it's the crispness of the winter air, the fantastical costumes, the freaky faces in carved pumpkins, or the joy of whacking zombies with your cricket bat or shotgun. (I always go with the shotgun.)

Okay, okay.

I love Halloween because of the free candy. Well, the chocolate. Honestly I don't understand the point of handing out non-chocolate treats. SweeTarts? Might as well eat a piece of sugarcoated chalk. Candy corn? Blech. Licorice? Are you kidding me? And those pixie sticks are evil incarnate! Satan must sell those at a discount or something.

Let's review. On Halloween, chocolate good. Everything else, bad.

I know, I know. Zombies only rise from their graves once a year, but c'mon, would you rather go to the graveyard and waste your bullets or go through your kid's collected candy and snag all those Milky Way Midnights?
Exactly.

~Michele Bardsley :-)

******************************

Here is my Hallmark-quality poignant memory:

Barrio Halloween

Every Halloween, Lalo the bully would beat me up and steal my candy. When I was in the fourth grade, I got caught ditching class. I was hiding in the bathroom and washing what was left of a Hershey bar off my fingers. I wouldn't tell the teacher what I was doing so I was sent to the principal's office. I didn't get much attention because the school staff was running around in panic. Lalo had gotten real sick and was throwing up. Seems he had eaten a chocolate-covered urinal cake.

~Mario Acevedo

******************************

So I was asked to write about something scary in honor of Halloween.

I got nuthin'--seriously.

Nuthin'.

Nothings scary's happened to me on Halloween. However, the young girls dressed as princesses and wearing tiaras who ring my doorbell might "think" I'm scary because my attempts to snatch the bling-bling off their heads can be interpreted (used loosely, of course) as well, aggressive...

Oh, and to the mom of said faux princess who whined that her little girl was only five, and I was a monster for trying to snatch that tiara off her head. I say, suck it up, princess! First, I haven't seen a tiara in more than 25 years--so step off and give an old woman a break. Second, I have seniority. Third, if you ring my doorbell and you got something I want, and I got something you want--we barter or I jack you up for it. I'm simply trying to teach the little diva that wearing a tiara comes with responsibility, and sometimes even an all out blood-fest to stay on top.

I don't see the problem--it is, after, all, my civic duty as an ex-tiara wearer, yes? LOL

~Dakota Cassidy

******************************

What's your favorite Halloween memory?
(hint: if you don't have one make some shit up)