Gimme Yer Organs, Ma'am!

In honor of my 44th birthday yesterday, I got to renew my driver's license. It wasn't that bad, actually. I went around 9:30 a.m., and it's a fairly small town so I didn't even have to wait. Just walked up to the nice man and handed him my old license. Which was from 2001. No, not kidding. I didn't have any tickets or wrecks, so they just let me buy a sticker to put on the back to stretch the renewal period to this year. Needless to say, the picture was dated. Ancient enough, in fact, that the guys at the safety check in airports were starting to look at me kinda funny.

The state also thought I needed a new card. In fact, they figured I needed an eye test too. Not a big deal, except I had to press my forehead against that black pad to make the letters show up. And it didn't feel clean. Do they ever wipe those suckers down, do you think? Ugh, I just wanna go shower remembering it.

So then the dude asked me if I still wanted to be an organ donor. And I said, "Of course." But here I feel as if I should apologize to my future donee, should the worst happen (to me). Because my bladder is about the size of a ping-pong ball. Which means whoever gets it is going to become very familiar with their bathroom. Take my advice, decorate it lavishly. Use your favorite colors and fabrics. You're going to be looking at them a lot!

Then came the dreaded picture. I tried to primp for it, but it still turned out looking like I'd been swigging energy drinks so I could stay awake for the last forty-eight hours, perhaps to do surgery on other organ donors.

Though my experience wasn't quite the nightmare I'd anticipated, I'm sure a little mood music and a snack tray (along with a shot of Germex to that eye test machine) would've improved it immensely. How would you make your trips to the license bureau more fun?


-Kelly Meding said…
When I lived in VA, not a single thing could make trips to the DMV fun. They were too small, served too many people, and the waits were awful. The Maryland MVA is much faster and a little less scary.
Anonymous said…
Happy Birthday :)

Ahhh the DMV what a fun time. My favorite visit was July of 07, I had gotten divorced and was changing my name back to my maiden name (good riddens to ex lol) and forgot that every kid in Houston would be there trying to take their test to get their license SCARY.
Nicole Peeler said…
I have go to swap my Illinois license for a Louisiana one, finally. I've managed to avoid it (probably illegally) for 8 months, but what with my new hippy spaceship and it's brand spanking new LA license plates (bye bye, Abe!), I feel I must capitulate.

So I will bring a dirty book. It's how I deal with most crises. A good old dirty book.
DragonKat said…
I live in Canada's largest city, so in honour of that they have created two, not just one, line. The first line is to tell you which line you should be standing. I kid you not. You need to have permission to go stand in another line (they give you a little ticket and everything). Mainly it is because at that one office you can get your licence renewed and also get a variety of other services taken care of (like health card and hunting licences and stuff), so there are many lines you could end up in.

Once your number is (finally) called you must present the ticket to show you have permission to be there before they even get down to the business of letting you get your licence renewed.

And if you are there to do two things... do one, and then back into the first line again so they can re-shoot you over to another line.

Next time I am not just bringing a book (dirty or otherwise)... I'm bringing a trilogy!
-Kelly Meding said…
Make sure that dirty book has an equally dirty cover. ;)
Nicole Peeler said…
Kelly: I find that dirty cover + grunting = some much valued personal space between me and the plebs. ;-)
Anonymous said…
There is no such thing as an enjoyable DMV wait. The one closest to me is small, crowded, and also expects you to know which queue to get into (by pushing the right button) without clear explanations. Definitely dirty books and or devices that you can use to ignore or disgust the people around you.
Falcata Times said…
Im lucky we don't have to do that over here in the UK. What would make it more fun, perhaps having things like a load of cans that need recycling so you can "Godzilla" up and crush then at your frustration at the wait?

Have adverts for whats coming on at your local cinema? Set up queue games systems, if you're going to have to wait you might as well have a play on a games system. Perhaps a PSP racing game where you have to crash into everyone and win. Lots of fun for all the people.

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