ALERT: 13 gifts you should NOT get for werewolves this holiday season

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(somewhat reprised from my blog of Christmas past) 


It is not easy to buy gifts for paranormals - especially werewolves. While they are typically polite about accepting items they don't like, quietly returning them when you're not around, some gifts that can upset them greatly, and should be avoided at all costs. Hopefully, this list will help.

Do NOT give your werewolf friends and family the following gifts:

1. Any chia pet in the shape of a canine. Deeply offensive to the werewolf psyche.


2. A Friendship bracelet that you worked really hard on, that the werewolf must never take off, and you'll be really mad if they lose it. Because they will!
3. The complete 5-volume Dog Whisperer DVD set featuring Cesar Millan. A werewolf will instantly rip it apart.

4. Nature's Gift Aromatherapy patchouli-scented bliss candles.

5. Actually, any heavily scented products are poor gift choices for werewolves.


6. Ten-hour video set of the historic Apollo 11 Lunar Landing. This type of close-up non-stop full moon footage can be overstimulating to werewolves, and lead to destruction of furnishings and upholstery, as well as messy sex marathons accompanied by howling that can result in noise complaints from the neighbors.

7. Road Runner vs. Wiley Coyote cartoon DVD set. (Not even as a joke, unless you hated your TV set anyway.)

8. The clapper, or worse, if you helpfully change all their lights over to operation by the clapper. This is not something that the werewolf in your life will find at all helpful. 


9. Joy of yodelling CD. (Gets werewolves riled up, not in a good way. Let's just say they try to sing along, and it's not pretty.)

10. A surprise pre-paid trip to the dentist to get all cavities filled with silver fillings.

11. Rogaine. 

12. The Slanket. While this gift may be exciting and attractive to your comfort-loving werewolf friend, it is actually very restrictive, and when it comes to shifting form unexpectedly, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.


13. The Miau Kitty Christmas Carol album: definitely NOT a recommended buy for werewolves this holiday season.
Do not under ANY circumstances purchase this music CD for a werewolf.
Gift plans ruined?
If this post has suddenly ruined your gift plans and you're scrambling for an awesome gift, please allow me to suggest books.... written by Leaguers! 
And if any of your werewolf pals are fans of the Disillusionist Trilogy, I have great news: HEAD RUSH, the exciting final book  (Mind Games and  Double Cross are the first two)  is out in audio now and comes out in ebook TOMORROW (aka Tuesday!)  with print to follow in 2012. Happy ebook release week to me, and happy holidays to all! 

Comments

Bells said…
I agree that the Slanket is dangerous and could totally get in the way while shifting. Hehe!
December 5, 2011 at 6:38 AM
Christine Rains said…
Ha! Loved this post. I don't have any friends that have come out publicly as werewolves, but I have my suspicions about a few. I will return the Chia Pets.
December 5, 2011 at 6:12 PM
Julie said…
Numbers 12 and 13 are awesome! LOL
December 5, 2011 at 8:07 PM
The Frizzy Hooker said…
I certainly didn't see that slanket coming. Took me by surprise
December 7, 2011 at 6:55 AM
Anonymous said…
Too funny! I particularly liked the inclusion of the Chia Pet. I would hate to be insulting, after all.
December 7, 2011 at 3:47 PM
Anonymous said…
The slanket is actually the gift you give to people you hate. Or the friends you are trying to test, like if they wear it then that means they are a true and loyal friend.
December 9, 2011 at 5:38 PM
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