Guest Blogger: Jim Hines

Jim Hines is author of the very popular GOBLIN trilogy, which culminated on Tuesday with the release of Goblin War. That's right, guys. GOBLINS. And WEAPONS. How can you resist?

Jim has graciously agreed to share a very important message with you all today. Don't forget, you heard it here first!

A Message From the Blue Party Candidates

I would like to thank the League of Reluctant Adults and all of their readers for giving me the chance to announce a new candidate for the White House: Jig the goblin.

Polls show that the war is a top concern for many voters. Jig Dragonslayer is a veteran of the great Goblin War of 2008. While there are other veterans running for office, how many of them can claim to have fought both sides in the same war? It's that kind of untraditional strategy that has kept him alive all these years. And unlike his opposition, Mister Dragonslayer's position on war has never wavered: when faced with the possibility of violence, he has always run away as fast as his skinny blue legs can carry him.

In the twenty-first century, politics has become a vicious arena of lies, backstabbing, and betrayal. Therefore, we need a leader with superior backstabbing skills. We need Jig Dragonslayer.

His accomplishments are well-documented in books and in song. He is a newcomer to Washington, but has long experience facing everything from drunken goblin guards to the slightly neurotic dragon Straum.

The Jig Dragonslayer ballot is the most diverse of any party. Not only is he the first goblin candidate (with the possible exception of Dick Cheney), he has selected as his running mate the fire-spider Smudge. Where others talk about vetoing pork barrel projects, Smudge will set them ablaze, then chase down the men and women who dared push such wasteful projects in the first place. A few flaming senators will go a long way toward cleaning up Washington.

Transcript from a Recent Interview:

1. Why do you want to be president?

Jig: Um ... well, Mr. Hines told me that the president gets his own personal security force to make sure nobody kills him. That would be kind of nice.

2. That would be Jim C. Hines, correct? What do you say to critics who claim Mr. Hines' documentation of your life in Goblin Quest, Goblin Hero, and Goblin War are sheer fantasy?

Jig: Easy for them to say. They weren't the ones staring at the business end of a dragon, or trying to magically heal a nose-picking injury, or--

3. Nose-picking injury?

Jig: Don't ask.

4. What about the rumors that your Vice Presidential candidate is secretly gay?

Jig: He's a saucer-sized spider who sets things on fire, and you're asking about his dating habits? Humans are so weird.

5. None of the other candidates have been willing to debate you on the issues. Why do you think that is?

Jig: They're probably afraid I'd have Trok and Braf lead an ambush to kill them all, then give their bodies to Golaka the chef for dinner.

6. Ah, yes. Prejudice is still alive and well in the twenty-first--

Jig: No, that's pretty much what I'd do. That McCain fellow looks like he'd be particularly tasty, maybe barbequed with a glaze of Golaka's honey wine, and--

7. Final question. Since Goblin War doesn't come out until March 4, can you tell us a little more about the events described in the book?

Jig: It began when our lair was invaded by [DELETED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY]

Vote Jig/Smudge in 2008!

"He might be a backstabbing little goblin, but at least he's honest about it."

Remember, real Americans support Jig Dragonslayer by buying the goblin books! If you don't buy the books, the terrorists win.

Thank you all. Further questions for the candidates should be left in the comments.

For more about Jim, his books, and the candidates, visit Jim's website or his blog. Thanks for playing with us, Jim!


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