"If You Show The Boy Your Cookies"
Because someone dared me, here's how I think it would go if Eric (from my Void City series) tried to explain the birds and the bees to a still-human version of his daughter Greta:
Eric: But you already know...
Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.
Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?
Greta: Ye-es.
Eric: It's like that.
Greta: No it isn't.
Eric: No. It absolutely is...
Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.
Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.
Eric: No?
Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too.
Eric: But you already know...
Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.
Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?
Greta: Ye-es.
Eric: It's like that.
Greta: No it isn't.
Eric: No. It absolutely is...
Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.
Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.
Eric: No?
Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too.
Comments
Excellent post!
Thank you for sharing.
All the best,
@RKCharron
:)
mb
Really scary Word Ver. - pusnets
~J
Now you guys know exactly why I love writing interactions between Eric and Greta.
That was great.
Wayne
You are truly a sick man... I love it.
J.
You've reminded me of an episode of the Golden Girls where Dorothy was expressing whether or not a guy liked her "cupcakes' or not. And Rose told her that her cupcakes were dry...lol.
Then it hit me. I remembered this post. So hard to finish reading as I am laughing my butt off.
I don't know, Justin, the running over part, is probably bad "real world" advice, but I think it captures the way many dads feel anyway.