Halloween Havoc: Wherein I Blackmail Jeff Strand into Blogging

All right. I didn't have to blackmail Jeff Strand to blog. I just threatened him a little. With a sharp implement. Hey, I had to contribute something to the Halloween Havoc, and I figured, why not force someone else to blog in my stead? Okay, okay. I'll throw in a contest for a $10 Amazon gift certificate. I'll pick a winner from those awesome enough to leave a comment. I'll announce the winner next Monday.

My first-ever Halloween costume was Mighty Mouse, which I think is a fine choice, especially since my fond Mighty Mouse memories have yet to be tainted by some new movie with a CGI mouse and poop jokes. Oh, it'll happen, and I'll whine about it on my blog, but for now MM remains the coolest of the cartoon heroes.

After that, I went on a multi-year run as Spider-Man. Sort of. The costume had a thin plastic mask, but the actual torso portion of the costume was not Spider-Man's uniform, but rather a picture of Spider-Man. That's how store-bought kids' costumes worked, if your only real option was the Safeway Halloween aisle in Fairbanks, Alaska in the 1970's. So if you wanted to be, say, Fonzie, your costume would be a rather grotesque mask of Henry Winkler, and a body-suit that had a picture of Fonzie with his thumbs-out going "Heyyyyy." It was pretty lame, but I was just there for the candy.

Years later, I desperately wanted this rubber over-the-head skull mask. It was $25--a fortune!!! I began to save and save and save, finally accumulating the necessary wealth. My parents said "Don't buy it now--if you wait until right before Halloween, it'll go on sale." Fools! I'd spent weeks saving for this thing, stressing that it would be sold out, and now I was supposed to wait? I ignored their lame-ass advice and bought my beloved mask. Right before Halloween, it went on sale for $12.50. I may have cried. Of course, I still have the mask, and it's now a valuable collector's item, so I can get my $25 back several times over whenever I want. Ha!!!

As an adult, for some reason I decided that "itchy and uncomfortable" was the way to go, and thus was born the Zombie Tourist, the Insane Doctor With Cuts All Over His Arms and Face, and the Magical Eyeball Man. In my professional author life, I've only worn a costume once, at a group Halloween signing where the bookstore manager asked everybody to wear costumes. I didn't want to, but when the bookstore manager asks you to wear a costume, that's what you do. So I got into my itchy and uncomfortable makeup and went to the signing. All of the other authors, being far more intelligent, had said "Screw that, I'm not wearing a Halloween costume to a booksigning," and so I looked like an idiot the entire evening. But the manager liked me best.

This year? I'm going to rip out all of my hair, install a caffeine IV drip, and be Author On Deadline.