Conestoga or Butts: A Treasury of Photos, Part Two

Saturday, 9 AM...

...after partying late into the wee hours of the Tulsa morn, two panelists stumble into the Fangs, Fur and Fey conference room, nursing hangovers, tossing glowers and slurping down lukewarm coffee steeped in grounds-o-bitterness. What better prep could an author have for a panel on The Elusive Snark, I ask?

Devon Monk (Magic to the Bone) and Carrie Jones (Love and Other Uses for Duct Tape, seen here screaming after an evil-eye attack from physics guy Jeffrey Richard) joined our mopey band for an hour of talking shit, Barry Eisler, and the definition of "Author Hot" (if you need a full description, you'll have to beat it out of Jaye). All in all, a good time, despite the hour. Plus, we got to give away a big ass bag of signed books and stuff, which of course, I "forgot" to sign--in quotes because I do so love forcing people out of their comfort bubbles to introduce themselves.

Breakfast was of the buffet variety, with Dean Lorey (Nightmare Academy, left) and I jumping to the head of the line and garnering glares, hisses and the occasional slur; what can I say, we're growing boys? The Radisson did something miraculous to the syrup for my waffle, stripped it of it's mapley sugary goodness reducing it to a thick broth of nothing. My disappointment was far reaching and profound.

Next up?

My signing. I met the fantastic Selina Rosen, who was snarky as hell, wrote zombie comedy and was her wife's bitch just like me. We had tons in common and got really loud. Signed lots of books (some my own), met gaggles of awesome people, the final few letting me know that Happy Hour sold out at the dealer room. Aw hells yeah.

Saturday, being packed with events and quite a few more people got a bit confusing and I narrowly missed the opportunity to duck into the SEX panel to ask Rachel Vincent a naughty question about cat penii. Then I had to rush up to do my reading. I shared time with Jeanne Stein and Gary Jonas (who read an awesome and funny urban fantasy noir piece) and by shared, I mean, they split the first half hour and I hogged the second. Road Trip seemed to be well received and people were laughing in the right spots and drawn in, so I was happy. the way, did you know I'm an abomination against God? Someone in Oregon is very unhappy with Happy Hour and so that became this huge joke, here's an homage made by the amazing Renee George (author of paranormal erotica and all around fantastic creature)...

Pretty, eh?

Anyway, didn't have a chance for dinner before the author speed-dating event, which was just like regular speed-dating only we put out less (a little). What was really awesome? The bartender was pouring the strongest Long Island Iced Teas ever. I was sloshy in like ten minutes and reminiscing about Conestoga before I'd even left.

Things like how the races love each other in Oklahoma...

...but only on cereal boxes (that's new BFF Leah, she's been ordered to sell her manuscript by RT, so she'll have good reason to spend tons of money to go to Orlando).

And Dakota's need to smash people with her powerful calves...

That's Renee squeezing one out under Dakota and Michele Bardsley (Don't Talk Back To Your Vampire).

And then my head cleared and I was back chatting with the awesome readers and writers-to-be, here's some now (Stacey, Cheryl and Chelsea), they were Caitlin's and my dates for the evening--well three of the 50 or so. I could barely walk.

After this great event (thanks Elspeth and FFFers for making it "pooper"), we did our final dinner at this Mexican place next door, passing a homeless guy sleeping under a bush on the way (100 degrees people!). The horror. Dinner was fun and we all made the new Oklahoma "just the tip" gang sign for this shot (which is really only funny to us, unexplicably).

Debauchery followed...

Sunday went by too quick, I really hate to say goodbye and we met such awesome people (Cheryl, Stacey, Kelley, Tessa, Brenna, Seti, Ashley, Xid, Jeffrey, Brian, Mrs. Eye, so many I can't even recall, though if I could I'd squeeze 'em until they withered an dropped--that's caring, people). Most of all, it was torture separating from my siamese sisters, Jaye and Leah. I think we left it at a cursory hug and blew it all off like big boys and girls.

What I wasn't sad to leave behind was the weather. I think this sign pretty much says it all...

Until next time.


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