You Can't Go Home Again

Remember that old saying? It's referring to anything that sparks nostalgia, right?

Gotta be, cuz this past Sunday we proved it true...TWICE!

We've been huge fans of the X-Files since it's premiere back in '93. For nine years, episodes like Home (the Peacock's have a secret and it's nasty), Bad Blood (vampire pizza boy? C'mon!), and X Cops (self explanatory) thrilled, made us piss ourselves laughing and ultimately turned us into googly-eyed fanatics. So when this latest movie started showing up in previews, you can imagine our excitement.


Well. It's been a while since we've visited Mulder and Scullyland and our cherished memories drove us blindly running into the theater, past the throngs of picketers with their big anti-x-files warning signs (we'll call them reviewers). We weren't 10 minutes into the flick and we knew something was wrong. Something bad.

It was the longest most mediocre episode ever. We might as well have been watching Annabeth Gish and Robert Patrick racing back and forth with no purpose for two hours. The carefully cultivated chemistry between Duchovny and Anderson was replaced with this mopey dialogue and frown-faced borefest. Dear God, we prayed. Doesn't someone have a mustard gas cannister?

Say it with me: You Can't Go Home Again.

It'd been too long. The magic was over. I felt the same way about the trio of new Star Wars movies. The new Indy. They felt tired. Old concepts forced to run the same rat maze. Blah. Blah.

Anyway, moving on...

It's no secret that I've got a fondness for things that go bump in the night, schlocky or otherwise. And there's nothing more schlocky than that old 80's standby, My Bloody Valentine. Not good enough to be memorable for anything other than the movie that spawned an awesome band, Valentine was, however, the first R-rated horror movie I was allowed to see without my parents.

It was the summer after the 6th grade and I don't know how we did it, but my good friend Kim and I did some soft shoe or a flim flam or something and talked my dad into taking us to the Tacoma West Cinema 3 (that's right, count 'em - 3) for an adult free evening of scares and gore. The night didn't end well, namely with me curled up on the floor at the foot of my parent's bed.

So on Sunday night--after the tragedy of X-Files-- we tried to go home again, again. While grocery shopping at Walmart--cuz we're frugal (and not cheap fucks, as you may accuse)--Caroline spotted one of those cheesy double feature DVDs. April Fools Day (awesome, still holds up) and My Bloody Valentine.

My Bloody Valentine. You know the one. Spurned miner takes his heartbreak out on the actual hearts of lusty semi-teens. Scary in the early 80s, maybe, but Christ it didn't hold up. Made me kinda sad. And then there's this...

Oh yeah. You're reading that right. 3D. No slam on Jensen Ackles (who stars) but seriously, is there any chance this February 2009 remake will be decent?

What about y'all. Any "You Can't Go Home Again" moments?


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