That is no longer a line we can use in our house to indicate things that will never, ever happen. (Frex: "Cameron Diaz will win an Oscar? Sure. And they'll be releasing Chinese Democracy any day now." Hmm. Perhaps "Sure, and Cameron Diaz will win an Oscar" should replace it?)
Anyway. I am a Guns n Roses fan. No, really. I actually think Appetite for Destruction is a great album, one of those rare albums where every song is worth hearing--others include Johnny Thunders's "LAMF: The Lost '77 Remixes" and the Replacements's "Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take out the Trash!" In fact, it's in part because I'm such a huge Replacements fan too that I was doubly excited about Chinese Democracy--or rather, I was less guardedly excited than I otherwise would have been--because Tommy Stinson, ex-Replacement and brother of the late great Bob Stinson (RIP Bob), is now in GnR.
So. Of course the hubs went out yesterday to buy the album. And of course we listened to it this morning in the car.
The following is a loose transcript of our comments, with extraneous stuff removed:
Me: Aw, look. Axl thanked 'everyone at Best Buy' on the liner notes.' That's kind of cute. I guess he's spent a lot of time hanging out there in the last fifteen years or something?
Hubs: Sometimes I like to lock myself in the sound room and just...be free!
Me: Wait, how many people are in this band, anyway? And, um, how many songs have orchestras? Look: three guitarists, two dummers, a synthesizer...an orchestra...a Moog synthesizer? Seriously?
Hubs: Is he singing about Fanta?
Me: This is kind of...this is kind of like adult contemporary with a slight edge.
Hubs: I'd like to thank Herb Alpert?
Me: Yeah, really. It's like November Rain without...well, without the cool Slash guitar solo. Or, um, anything else that made that song listenable.
Hubs: Do you think the members of Velvet Revolver bought this?
Me: This is what took him fifteen years? Do you think there's, like, four albums worth of stuff they cut out?
Hubs: I bet they're crying about this on Big 106 (Miami radio station; sort of classic rock/rock.)
Me: It's not terrible, really.
Hubs: Ah, Axl. How I've missed that stuck-pig squeal.
Me: It's just...it's not really very good, either. It's kind of bland. And the vocals are mixed too high.
So there you go. Have you bought it? Do you even care, at this point?