Git Yer Freebies Rightchere!

Okay, maybe I shoulda been a tad more specific.

My mass market came out today! (Happy dance!)

For those of you operating in the unawares, five books in the Jaz Parks series are floating around the bookishness of the universe, but to this point they've all been trade paperbacks. The biggers.

Now you can get the first book in the series, Once Bitten, Twice Shy, in the regular size (and price!)

So to celebrate (which I'm always looking for excuses to do) I'm giving three copies away to random commenters. All you gotta do is tell me which monster you'd prefer to meet in a dark alley. Vampire? Werewolf? Zombie? Orc? Something I haven't named that you think you could vanquish a lot easier with your handy-dandy homemade sledge-0-matic? Lemme hear from you! The giveaway will close Friday at midnight Central Standard time. Let the virtual massacre begin!

Comments

writtenwyrdd said…
I love your Jazz Parks series, and as I already own them all in tpb, I'll continue to buy them in that format.
Chris said…
Congrats!

Um, how about an easily seduced demon? ;)
Rocky said…
Werewolf, because they have nards you can kick. At least thats what I learned from the Monster Squad. Though if the main legend that it takes blessed silver passed down from family to kill a werewolf, I'm SOL. As I've stated on your Facebook page, this is an amazing series. I too have them on in Trade Paperback form and loved book 5 and Jaz dad is awesome. I think he could still kill a Vampire, Werewolf, and Zombie all at the same time.
Lisa said…
A zombie. They are already dead and in the service of it's master. I wouldn't feel guilty for killing something.
Miss Kitty said…
I would have to say zombie, mostly because I Love zombie movies and have seen just about everyone ever made. Shotgun and a headshot!
Brooke Reviews said…
haha Rocky - "Wolfmans got nards!"

I'd have to say, for being able to kill purposes, a zombie!
Thom said…
Definitely a werewolf.

In modern stories, if any of these bite you then you become the same thing. Werewolf bites make you a werewolf, vampire bites make you a vampire, zombie bites make you a zombie, orc bites make you an orc. Okay, maybe not that last one. Out of that group, I'd much rather become a werewolf. It's a part-time gig and running around as a wolf sounds better than shambling around all undeadlike.

Besides, werewolves have always been my favorite monster.

If I am just going to get killed by one of them, I'd still rather be killed by the lycanthrope. At least I can delude myself that I am just rough-housing with a big old dog. With a vampire or zombie, you're are being attacked by a room temperature corpse with breathe that smells like ass; there is no pretending that it's anything else.

But what if I just run away? Shouldn't I go with the zombie because they are so slow? Not really. I don't run as fast as I used to since my foot got messed up. Even if I did, those zombies have gotten a track coach or something because there are a lot of them who run pretty fast themselves now. In any case, I'm not outrunning much of anything.

So definitely a werewolf.
Thom said…
Then again, if succubus is a choice, getting boinked to death is not a bad way to go.
Sarah said…
i'm thinking something made of fire :)
chuck a bucket of water on them...bingo....no more fire demon :)

i love the jaz parks series!
Daelith said…
I was thinking I'd rather meet up with a vampire at first until I started reading others posts.

If it's just a meeting and I still get to come out of this alive then I still would go with a vampire. I wouldn't mind providing a snack.

Next I'd chose a werewolf or other shapeshifters. Be pretty cool to run around in animal form at times.

I'm partial to dragons too so I'd be alright confronting one of those.

Congrats on the books.
I would love to meet a werewolf or a vampire in a dark alley. Dragons are too hard to slay.

cindyc725 at gmail dot com
Jacqueline C said…
Zombies may be brutal, but they also tend to be dumb. I think it would be easiest to outwit a zombie than try my luck against any of the more capable supernatural races.
Marcee said…
I think I would choose a vampire, just because if I was turned into a vampire maybe THEN I would be super skinny and hot and everyone would want me! :) Besides I have be reading the Black Daggar Brotherhood along with Jaz and HOLY COW!! I can't breath when I picture Vayl!
Jackie said…
If I'm gonna come out of this encounter alive, I'd pick Vampire. I don't like the idea of meeting a large hairy animal in a dark alley so Werewolf is out. Now, if I had Simon Pegg by my side I would take on a Zombie and laugh my head off while doing it.
tetewa said…
I'm all about the vamps, love to have one sucking on my neck!
wendy d said…
hmmm, a werewolf. they're scruffy! and manly! better fan myself, i love me an alpha man :D
Vickie said…
Werewolf if their time of the month coincided with mine.....I could kick the livin' shite out of them then.....
elnice said…
An orc, what in the world, I haven't encountered a book with an orc yet. Guess I need to keep reading! I would want to meet a zombie, they seem to walk really slow so I could make a getaway-screaming like a little girl of course!
Malice said…
If I get turned into a wearSOMETHING Id like to meet one of them, so I can be all shifty like. One of the big cats, preferably.

Otherwise, I think vampire would be what I would prefer.

Although, death is not really high on my list of priorities at the moment.
jopan621 said…
Oh -- most definitely vampire -- every since I was a young thing, I had a thing for the vamps beginning with Barnabas Collins, all the way thru to Vayl (and boy even tho he's 700 years old -- yum). Can't wait until the next Jaz book comes out!
Emily said…
Hey Jen I followed you over from your site. I know this is not a very original opinion but I think I would have to pick a vampire. Now me trying to kill a vampire with a hammer (or anything for that matter) would just be embarrasing as I would be dead before I'd even made the conscious decision to go down the alley in the first place. So I would just have to hope the vampire was hot and make him fall in love with me. Woohoo!
DragonKat said…
Love Jaz! So happy to hear they'll be in a new format - I hope it'll draw more readers to this wonderful series.

Hmmm, well in a dark alley I'd probably want to meet something I could outrun...which at this point wouldn't be much (so have to lose weight). A zombie slug? I could probably take that.

Still, if what earlier posters say is true and what bites you turns you, I'd have to go for werewolf.
cirynnite said…
That is so awesome!! *happy dance* Does this mean genuine hardbacks will be in the future? Honestly your books are on the "re-read till the spine has been obliterated" sectiopn of my bookcases.

"Werewolf, because they have nards you can kick." Too awesome ROCKY!!!

Demons... I would have said vamps or were but I be okay with becoming either of those.
LOL Thom!

I'm going with vampire. Throw down a few coins then run like hell while he counts them.
Melissa said…
How's about a leprechaun? A leprechaun's a monster, right? (It worked for the Hollows.) I could totally take a leprechaun!
Tasuki Honey said…
I would say vampire. My life needs a little excitement and plus my "my boyfriend is a vampire" shirt would be correct!!
Heather C said…
I would say a were-moth. This way I could just just swat it away, and keep going. :)
I would be looking to meet a sweet were. You know they can be protective of those they need, maybe the sledge hammer wouldn't be necessary, LOL!

If I have to massacre something, let it be a goblin. They're sneaky and mischievous and have been known to be quite dastardly! Tricky little burgers are hard to catch though.

Dottie :)
Suzan Harden said…
I'd say a mummy. If it shambles like the Johnny Quest version, I could outrun it and it wouldn't smell as bad as a zombie.

Now if he's a cutey like Akmenrah on Night at the Museum...
Tessie Tura said…
I *must* have read too many books to know I don't want to meet *any* of these things in a dark alley. Well, unless of course like everyone else says, I can come out of it alive! lol If that's the case then I would want to meet either a vamp or a were.

If I have to pick something I could "take care of", then I am going with...ummm...well I guess zombie. BUT only if they are the slow, shambling, B-movie type. I've read too many Anita Blake books to know that *those* zombies can be nasty! Hmm...maybe Jaz and Vayl could be staked out (ha! no pun intended!) near by to save my a$$ when I panic and freeze! :)

Love the books and can't wait for the next installment!
heavywhitewove said…
Incubus - can you think of a better way to go?
macbeaner said…
I think the zombie would be the easiest to elude if not kill.... in a dark alley
Sarah said…
Hmm...if it was something that I could walk away from intact I would have to say your Trayton because he's yummy and funny.

If it's something that I'm suppose to beat up on I would have to go with strix (plural striges). Striges are strange, bat like monsters that suck blood. They have a tough, fibrous body covered with short hair with eight chitinous legs and batlike wings. The legs allow them to cling like insects to flesh or clothing, and a horny probiscus is used to suck blood from the victim. Striges are about nine inches long.

I just think they are funny looking and I like a challenge.
Alicia said…
A vampire. Preferably male so i could seduce him & stake him.
Bec said…
A fairy! Haha.
Fairy... meet foot. Easy win. But out of the options given I think I'd have to go for vampire. At least you get the illusion of some kind of intimacy and there's the (slight) chance that you may not be 'killed', just turned. Plus that would be pretty awesome, especially if they are as drop dead gorgeous as all the books say. -drool-
A mummy. Just unwrap and voila! Gone! :D
Poppy said…
If I have to kill it, I choose zombie...I'm not very fond of zombies...but if not killing is an option, then I'd pick vampire for sure :)
Taylor-Marie said…
Probably Zombies.
I had a nightmare about Zombies last night ): It was really scary.
Rox! said…
odds of surviving a zombie in a dark alley are much greater than with the other beings - no vamp mind control, wolf speed or other supernatural powers to contend with.
booklover said…
I would like to meet a Werecat, but since I am wary, I have Aida, the bodyguard from my WIP with me too! LOL.
Paula said…
"The glass is half full" scenario: I could out-run or beat a zombie.

"The glass is half empty" scenario: If I can't beat any of the monsters, at least a vampire would only want my blood. So I'd take the chance that a vampire wouldn't totally drain me over losing important body parts.
Nichole said…
I definitely think I could battle a zombie and win, mostly because I am a good shot I think that mostly what you need. Especially if they are the more slow moving zombies :) If not I can still run and shoot.

If I knew there was no way I could win though and it was a choose the best way to lose game, I would want to go against a werewolf. Although vampires are becoming more popular and mainstream nowadays, semming sexy and mysterious I still enjoy my daytimes far too much...

I love the Jaz Parks series btw, Jaz is my role model! :)
saycheesepease said…
I'm thinking a fairy--they're like what 3" tall--I could totally kick their @$$! Anything bigger than that & it becomes a 50/50 shot or worse.

Then again, I think vampires and werewolves are hot so IF I'm gonna die, that would be a good way to go down swinging. Then again, I agree with the commenter about the succubus. Boink is the perfect way to go!
Uniasus said…
Anything for a free book! Though I must say I like the look of the trade paperback a lot more than the mass media one. Too busy with the cityscape.

What monster I would prefer to meet in a dark alley? Something that I can deal with. So nothing with really large muscles and too many sharp teeth. Or super fast, cuz I haven't run in years >.< Better yet, while I love to kick ass, if I come across this thing in a dark alley it means I'm taking a short cut home after having a good time. So meeting a good monster, like the Flying Spaghetti Monster who blesses with his noodley appendages. Maybe I could get a free ride home with him.
Roxanne Skelly said…
Vampire, of course....'cause I can bite back :)
Jennifer Rardin said…
Works for me, writtenwyrdd. Then you'll have those lovely clean covers gracing your bookshelves. The mass markets are exploding with color!

Thanks, Chris! Sounds like you have a plan. This is always a good place to start!

LOL, Rocky! You're right, Albert could kick anybody's ass anytime. Which is why most monsters take one look at him and run!

Good point, Lisa. There is a squish factor, but well worth the lack of guilt!

You go, Miss Kitty!

I suspect your zombie plan is well in place, Brooke Reviews. Good deal. I understand mine involves a cabin in Canada.

Aw, Thom, you had that whole were-deal logicked out and then you went for the boinking to death. So now I'm just sitting here laughing because I know if I suggested your second plan in front of hubby or son they'd be like, "Where's the line?"

Brilliant, Sarah! I love that you love the Jaz Parks series!

I can tell you're a very giving person, Daelith, and would never let a vamp starve. Which is pretty cool. I'd considered a dragon myself. Then I had second thoughts. Too many ways to end up mangled beyond recognition!

That's pretty dern brave of you, I Heart Book Gossip. Last time I even saw a dark alley I was just driving by it and I freaked a little. Jaz is much braver than me. But I'm getting better.
Jennifer Rardin said…
Good point, Jacqueline C. You could do one of those head bob dodges, yell, "Is that Johnny Depp?" and be outta there in a flash while the zombie was still turning around in amazement.

You're right about Vayl, Marcee, he's luscious. As for super-skinny; it's overrated. All the sweet guys I've known have assured me they like curves on their girls, and I believe them.

Aww, Jackie, Simon Pegg is da bomb!!

I hear you tetewa. But I have to ask, would it be quiet? Or would it be that slurping soup sound? Because I really can't deal with that....

Woohoo! I'm with ya wendy d. At least with a were you can be assured of a hairy chest.

LOL, Vickie!!

Oh, I assure you, orcs are looming, elnice!

I like your priorities, Malice. Mine are quite similar!

Well, you know what they say about older men, jopan621. (Don't you? Because I have no clue.)

Cool deal, Emily, and I like your approach. It could totally work!
Jennifer Rardin said…
Yay! Glad to hear it, DragonKat. I love your zombie slug idea. Such a funny image!

Well, cirynnite, my editor has mentioned the word "hardback" a couple of times as if she really means to go there sometime. But I have no idea when. Or if she'll stick to that plan. I'll definitely let you know should it all come to be though. And thanks for your kind words!

Neat idea, Jackie Uhrmacher. That would work with a few of my relatives as well. I'm totally trying it at our next Christmas party!

Marvelous idea, Melissa! Love to see that throwdown!

There ya go, Tasuki Honey. Gotta think about style too!

Great idea, Heather C. Original and practical!

One less goblin wouldn't bother anyone, Dottie. Go for it!

Aww, Suzan Harden, you know you'd still have to kill him. He'd never let you have any cats in the house!

There ya go, Tessie Tura, just call on some buds to help you out. Totally allowed!

Come to think of it, heavywhitewove....nope.

For you, definitely, macbeaner. For me--I'm sure I'd manage to trip into the dumpster and get myself cornered there. I know it's taller than I am. Doesn't matter. This is one of my skills.

Ick on the strix, Sarah! But they do sound cool as well!

I'm glad you're going for it in that order, Alicia!

Nice choice, Bec!

And we thought this was going to be tough. Way to go, Fantasy Dreamer!

Me either, Poppy. I have yet to find anything endearing about them!

Oh, geez, Taylor-Marie! Then you'd definitely need to off one!

I can see you've thought this out, Rox! Hope you're an excellent shot!

Good thinking, booklover!

Civilized vamp or dumb zombie. Your chances seem good either way, Paula!

I'm with you, Nichole--I could never, ever give up sunlight. Glad you're into Jaz!

All valid choices, saycheesepease!

I'm liking the way you think, Uniasus. A monster you can carpool with is a rare dude indeed!

Never thought of that, Roxanne Skelly. Excellent point!
Megan said…
I would wanna fight a Zombie in an ally cause lets face it while there dragging their arms you can use the wall as a spring board to kick of their head, a vampire is super fast and you have to be more on guard and likewise with the werewolf what would you choose slow zombie human or teeth lots and lots of sharp pointy teeth? I for one choose the zombie, then upgrade to vampire or werewolf in an open area lots more fighting room that way!
FaeryWing said…
I definitely have to go with a vampire, one with a bit like Vayl, I could really enjoy myself!!!
Ivy said…
I choose vampire. There's always this something about them; that silent demeanor and the danger that goes with it. =^.^=
Plus the whole Have-Seen-So-Much, Know-So-Much about the world is kinda intriguing. =D
Anonymous said…
orc, cause who likes those
not sure how to kill , somethin viloent (evil grin)

GYPSYWITCh36@YAHOO.COM
pattepoilue said…
well if i have to be honest and find the monster i COULD vinquish i'd have to go with a Mad Mosquito or something like that.
But (semi)seriously i'g go with ghosts, it's a bit less frightening than vampires ,zombies or Orcs.
Jennifer Rardin said…
I can see it, Megan, and you are super-fit! Can you be on my team?

That's always my plan, FaeryWing!

Agreed, Ivy.

I think, Anonymous, that orcs would actually be the most straightforward kills. Nothing special required beyond bravery and some sort of badass weapon. So it seems like a pretty good choice to me!

I'm impressed, pattepoilue. Ghosts are the last things I'd ever want to meet anywhere, much less a dark alley. Dunno why, just think I need big distance between them and me!
That is a tough call. I guess it would depend on what kind of monster they are. I wouldn't mind meeting a Bones-type vampire in a dark alley, especially if he was shirtless. Or even a Micah-type werewolf.

As for a zombie or an orc....I'm not so sure about those.
Alexia561 said…
If I had to meet a monster in a dark alley, I'd pick a zombie or mummy, circa 1950's movies. They're both terribly slow and it would be easy to either run away or chop up into little pieces, depending on mood. *L*

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