Thursday, July 30, 2009

Zombie fears, part deux

I can't watch zombie movies. They give me nightmares. But everybody told me that I had to read "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" because it's so clever, (It really is, I chuckled plenty.) and I'm such a huge Jane Austen fan and have such an irreverent sense of humor. So I started reading it because I figured, how bad can it be?

Well, it turns out that setting the action in my head is so much worse and graphic because I incorporate what I really fear about zombies. Like my kids being hurt or being sent away from my family because I've been nipped by the walking dead. I read a few measly chapters and had nothing but zombie nightmares last night. To the point that I woke up at 4 a.m. crying like a tiny, tiny girl.

I gave the book to a co-worker just to get it out of my house.

AND ON THAT NOTE....

I have a well-established fear of clowns. It's called coulrophobia. It's a real fear. Look it up.

So someone sent me a still photo close-up of a clown, because haha, Molly's afraid of clowns. Hilarious.

When I didn't respond, they wrote back, "Oh come on, it's a zombie clown, it's like two of your greatest fears combined."

So I looked at the photo again and realized it was indeed a zombie clown, complete with red nasty eyes, smeared, sinister skull-like make-up and droopy mouth. And I didn't notice. Why? Because to me, that's how all clowns look.

Analyze my emotional health at will

15 comments:

lesleen said...

You can't tell me that anyone likes clowns!!! I didn't have a great love of them to begin with but just imagine having an art teacher who insists that everyone do a whole unit on drawing clowns! And then, even though you hate the assignment, the teacher chooses your artwork to be displayed at a big countywide school artshow!!!! I have had a phobia about clowns ever since. I have never weven taken my kids to a circus! (shudders)
Thanks for the great post! Can't wait for Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men!!!! I am counting the days until it is released!!!

Brooke Reviews said...

Yeah, not a fan of clowns either. I agree...they look like freaky zombies already!

FictionGroupie said...

I'm with you on the clowns. Stephen King's It screwed me up on that a long time ago.

This post is timely because tonight I'm taking my son to the circus. Hopefully I can be brave for him. :)

Suzan Harden said...

Honestly, I'd take zombies over clowns any day.

saycheesepease said...

I always thought that was just a stupid fear until one of my close friends in high school. I didn't know he was afraid of clowns until the day I had to dress up as a clown and entertain some grade schoolers--he literally seen me and started backing up. No matter how many times I said, 'Jon, it's just me' all he could say was 'don't touch me' with his horrified look on his face. He didn't relax until I was out of site. I felt horrible for making fun of it before that.

Mark said...

Clown trumps zombie. Every time!

Scary shiz.

alanajoli said...

I used to do a little clowning, so clowns don't scare me -- unless they're designed to. Some circus clowns are *supposed* to be freaky.

Especially the zombie clowns.

Molly Harper said...

The worst part about being afraid of something "funny" is that people love to taunt you with it. Me being shoved toward a clown is not fun for me or the clown. It's even less fun for the bystanders I knock over in an effort to get away from the clown.

FYI- Scariest clown moment for me was when we had a lock-in at church and realized the pastor had arranged for "clown communion." Communion presented by clowns. I kid you not.

Vickie said...

I thought I was weird because I really really have a fear of clowns. It might be the 'dead face' my sister used to chase me around the house when we were kids or watching that damn clown in the move 'It'. AGH!

Jodi said...

Watching Poltergeist at 6 years old messed me up about clowns! And then IT at age 13 just compounded it.

I mean what sinister thoughts are they trying to hide beneath those painted on faces... CREEPY! Give me Zombies any day.

Anonymous said...

Don't. Like. Clowns.

-Tom Gallier

Hagelrat said...

Clowns are creepy and unnatural it's not unreasonable to be phobic about them. I dislike them intensely and am always tempted towards assault at the site of them.

Jen and Ed said...

I can relate to you on so many levels. Nothing gives me nightmares like 30 (accidental) seconds of a zombie movie. Thanks for the heads up on Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I thought about reading it for about a millisecond...it's Pride and Prejudice with a zombie or two thrown in...how bad can it be?

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one.

The Jen of the infamous "Jen and Ed"

JD said...

I'm not a huge fan of zombies, but I read 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' and I didn't mind it at all. I think I've developed the ability to gloss over the parts of a book that could freak me out. For example, I'm not a fan of spiders. Not At All. I have, however, read 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets' and got through the spider scenes quite easily because I can switch off the visions in my head and just read the words. Reading them a little quicker than normal, admittedly, but I can still get through it.

Having the visuals right there such as in a movie is another thing entirely. I am blissfully unaware of what Aragog or Shelob look like from the movies. Blissfully unaware.

And why is it, when you tell people you have a thing about a thing (my thing for spiders, your thing about clown and zombies) they insist on telling you horror stories about their experiences with said thing? Cruel and unusual punishment that is.

Thom said...

"FYI- Scariest clown moment for me was when we had a lock-in at church and realized the pastor had arranged for "clown communion." Communion presented by clowns. I kid you not."

-Which is when Shub-Niggurath was summoned into this world and the entire congregation went insane.

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