Guest Ghoul: Amanda Ashby, author of The Zombie Queen of Newbury High

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all zombie authors like zombies. Except of course when you’re me and you accidentally write a zombie book, not really expecting it to get published and then suddenly find yourself being asked a whole heap of zombie related questions that you have absolutely no answers for. See where I’m going with this?

The thing is that there are many, many reasons why I’m not a zombie fan. Not least because two weeks ago I had a blog party to celebrate the release of ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH and I though it might be in keeping with the theme to invite some zombies along.

As it turns out this was a bad idea.

Did they clean up after themselves? No, they did not. Did they hold back from eating all of my guests? Er, that would be no. Did they even bother to get me a lovely hostess gift for not complaining about all the stray body parts that kept turning up around my house? Again with a big fat no.

But apart from making bad house guests, the main reason I don’t like zombies is because, well...they’re scary. And it’s not just the flesh-munching, brain-chomping thing they’ve got going on (though bleurgh), but rather it’s their uncanny ability not to die.

I mean even when they’re all killed off, somehow one always manages to slip through. And while I can see the appeal if you’re a movie executive with a franchise on your hands, for most regular people, the concept doesn’t fill me with fluffy bunnies.

And speaking of fluffy bunnies, don’t be lured into patting one when you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse because it’s a scientifically proven fact that fluffy bunnies can eat your brains just as easily as the next zombie. This rule applies to cats and dogs as well (I’m talking to you Will Smith).

In fact I’m so scared of zombies that I decided to put together my own little Zombie Survival Kit filled with all the essential items that you will ever need to fight off the living dead hordes. And, because I think you’re all lovely and I’d like you to live a long and happy life, I want to give you the chance to win this kit.

Also, since ten to one, if you’re running away from zombies, you’ll get stuck in a closet, I thought I’d throw in a copy of my new book ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH to help you pass away the hours - unless of course you’ve fallen victim to my cunning mind control trick and you’ve already gone out and bought a copy - in which case I’ll let you have a copy of my first book YOU HAD ME AT HALO instead. I’m nice like that.

I was also going to provide a detailed escape route of what to do if zombies attacks but my Darwinian genes have suddenly kicked in and are refusing to let me reveal this information (since let’s face it, we’ve all seen enough movies to know that someone needs to get eaten and while I do like you, I’m not sure I like you that much).

So what do you need to do to win this potentially life saving kit and hilarious book? Just tell me your best zombie survival tip and you’re in with a chance. Too easy!

Comments

bridget3420 said…
Best zombie survival tip... Hmm... I guess I'd say: "Stay the f*ck away from them!" Or chop of their heads.
Erika Lynn said…
I am keeping a bottle of water with me at all times now...I learned that from Chase!
Jackie Ballway said…
Trip as many people as humanly possible during your escape. If the zombies are eating someone else, they're not eating you!
Zita said…
Walk softly and carry a big machete LOL
catie said…
Travel with at least one other person at all times. That way when the zombies attack, you have someone to shove in their path as a momentary distraction while you make your escape. (Extra hint: Carry a photo of your beloved, zombie-consumed family members to flash around town and garner sympathy when seeking fresh zombie fod--er, apocalypse companions).
Pat said…
Do a quick study of the zombie, or zombies, depending on your luck, and start to imitate them, so they will think you're a zombie too.
silveradept said…
The best zombie survival tip I have? Insist that you and your travel companions wear long sleeves and pants and keep them in repair. If you have the entirety of your body covered by clothing, if the zombies bite or scratch someone, you'll know, and you can kill them as a liability before they become a threat.
nightdweller20 said…
Wear tennis shoes!! Or you'll trip and fall, and then you'll die.

Amanda, you know the drill. I just want You Had Me at Halo :P
celeber said…
Have a shotgun with the biggest ammo you can find. Better to blow their heads off with.
T.M. Thomas said…
Find a sassy sidekick. Or, if you're sassy, find a good looking do-gooder type. You're both pretty much guaranteed to last until the final credits. Also, a cricket bat can be useful.
Anonymous said…
Best tip:
Run like the wind...that's all I got.

B
Gareth said…
Errmm, my top tip, keep a bladed weapon to hand at all times, if you can take out the zombie thats great, when theres a pack after you, you can stab your mate in the leg and then run like hell. After all you don't have to outpace the zombies, just your "mate" thats currently on the ground writhing in agony.
Amanda Ashby said…
Wow - you guys are so prepared for a zombie attack it's not funny. In fact I think I'll be calling in all of you to protect me next time I'm getting chased by the undead (sorry Amanda Feral and Andy - I don't care how nice you are, you still have a bad flesh eating habit!!!!!)
alanajoli said…
I've taken the tests online. I'm totally zombie fodder. If the zombiepocalypse comes, I'm toast.

So, you know, I could see how a kit would be helpful.

That said, we do a regular "where's the local gun shop" check around my house. That's always the best first place to go when the zombies come.
Suzette said…
Learn some voodoo so you can control the zombies and not worry about being eaten.

BTW, some of these tips are really funny!
Qwill said…
I'd live on a very secluded but self sufficient island with no one else. I understand that zombies are awful sailors so I'd probably be safe.
Hmm..my best survival tip? Don't try to go in a room where you could get trapped. You know everytime someone goes in a room and tries to close the door, they end up getting eaten? Such a bad idea.
Also, if you can, keep some eyeballs or something on hand, that way you can feed the zombies a little something while you try to run away.
If nothing else works, I'm all for trying the powers of seduction-even on zombies:)
Blodeuedd said…
I am taking the biggest bazooka I can find, and a lot of ammo. I will not let those zombies come near me.

Or just a baseballbat and soem good running shoes.
Lisa N. said…
I guess the best advise would be RUN!!!! If that doesn't work, work on a good distraction (hey, look, a big group of people over there! Don't they look yummy?).
Amanda Ashby said…
You guys are all so cunning - did I mention that I love that in a person? Anyway, keep the survival tips coming because I have a bad feeling we're all gonna need them one day!!!
Knuckles said…
My best advice is more a preventative measure: Don't trust your amazingly wonderfully neurotic best friend's "herbalist" as an trustworthy source to buy a love spell.

If all else fails, keep a hottie named Chase with you at all times. ;)
MelodyJM/Is Me! Is PENGUIN! said…
Here's one...RUN LIKE THERE's NO TOMMORROW! OR OR OR, as I am readin I am legend at the moment, you live sorta like he does, only maybe not because to be perfectly honest that deals with vampires who can't come out in daylight so there would be a short period of time when they are forced to hide out...so maybe stick with running...and I hear water slows them down a bit! ;-)
IF I do win please email me at JoyMalecki@yahoo.com
Yan said…
Tip 1: Protect the cats! They always head straight for the adorable kittys!

-Amanda, if you're reading this, blame Sharon for influencing his cattiness on me! :)
Adele said…
Run in zig zags and have a domestic pet on standby as a human shield.

p.snark (at)gmail (dot) com
unseelieme said…
RUN (cause they can't keep up) to the nearest vampire hangout & take your chances with them??!

Or maybe just make sure you have plenty of aerosol hairspray & matches. No one (not even zombies) can resist a barbeque!
JD said…
My tip? A big-a$$ flamethrower to better mow down the hordes and a buddy carrying a machine gun. You flame and she shots then, theorectically, the zombies don't stand a chance.

For a more one-on-one approach, I'd go with a cricket bat and 'Queen' playing on the dukebox so you can get your rhythm. After you've beaten them to a within an inch of their undeath, throw some lyme at them to speed up their decomposition.

Then run. Find somewhere high with supplies, appropriately seal all entry points (burn the ladder, cut the cable of the elevator, destroy the stairs) and wait for the zombies to starve themselves because your tasty living human flesh won't be on the menu. For fun, you could take with you a shot gun and take some target practice.
Michelle Kuo said…
Hmm, a zombie tip? I would say go into the ocean and swim to the nearest island. Because zombies can't swim, can they? Otherwise this tip is pointless, because I can't swim myself! Haha. But I think it would work because the saltwater would hide all of our delicious-smelling flesh.
macbeaner said…
Carry around a book of matches at all times or a lighter.
Bunny B said…
Because they're so slow, all I gotta say is RUN!!! Or get a motorbike with a tank full of gas, if you're too tired to run!

bunnybx at gmail . com
Chellie said…
Own a Prius. Cars that make no noise = smart.
okibi-insanity said…
Since zombies are on the slow side, I suggest to RUN LIKE YOU NEVER RUN BEFORE. Also, it would be good to run towards a fortified place in order to barricade yourself.

Sue
okibi_insanity[at]yahoo[dot]com
Wendy said…
LOVE the cover!! hmm zombie tip.. don't get naked in front of them and run like all get out!! lol

wendyhines (at) hotmail (dot) com
Natalie E. said…
Let's see what I won't do!

-Pretend to be like them, because as predators they must have a good sense of smell.
-Try to our run them since most zombies are insanely strong, and fast (depending on the author/writer of the world they belong in)

My tip: Become a frickin' badass. More generally, learn how to turn ANYTHING into a weapon. Hey, using a piece of paper to gauge an eye out out buys plenty of time to aim that ak-47 and fireeee!
Sena said…
HIDE! RUN! And always have bombs with you. I guess you can blow them up easily since they're always in large groups.
sena.sagani[at]gmail[dot]com
Thom said…
One of my freelance side jobs is Line Editor for a game of survival horror called "All Flesh Must Be Eaten". Because of this, I have read source books on what to do in case of a zombie rise and every possible variation of that rise. Zombies and Ninjas. Zombies and Pirates. Zombies in Space. Zombies and Luchadores. Zombies and Unicorns. Even Zombies on a planet where Apes evolved from Men (it's a madhouse! A madhouse!).

This makes me something of an expert in surviving the zombie apocalypse.

Because of this, by the laws of cinematic irony, in any giving group of people fighting against the rising horde of zombies, I will be one of the first to die. Probably after saying something like, "I know it looks bad out there, but we're going to make it through this. I've got a plan..."

At which point zombies break through the boarded up window and kill me in a horribly gruesome way. It's inevitable.
Nora said…
I'm going to go with the good ol' duck and cover.

Nora

wishonstars13@hotmail.com
Diana Dang said…
Never check out the noise. Hear something? Leave it. Better yet, start running with a gun in your hand. Check it out instead? Good luck.
Amanda Ashby said…
Ack - for some reason blogger ate my comment. Bad blogger!!!

Anyway, you guys are all evil geniuses in the making - awesome! And Thom - best job ever!!!! My heroine is a bit of a TV addict and she comes to realize that she is a 'one episode only' girl which makes her prime zombie fodder. Apparently she blames me for this which I think it is a little bit unfair!!!!
cindy said…
well here is one that has not been said so yippee for me........ How about blending in, I mean come on if you are surrounded by several flesh challenged beings!!!!! blend the freak in.... The saying "When in Rome" definetly appies to this situation in all aspects.

And if you are just too squeemish about it marry a freakin Soldier to protect your 6.(tail end) or be near a military base, they leave all sorts of fun things laying around somewhere..... or know where they are......

Cindy Mac, who really needs to prepare cause I believe the Great Zombie Rebellion will start in Kansas, no one would think of Kansas.......
Paradox said…
Hmm... I'd have to say that you should retreat to an uninhabited island (preferably with a huge house, cave, and lots of food and weapons.

paradoxrevealed (at) aim (dot) com
Paula said…
Befriend Buffy the Zombie Slayer and let her worry about the zombie hordes.

If this fails, make sure you come back as that smart zombie who got away and you'll at least "survive" to appear for the first 5-10 minutes in the sequel.
Gareth said…
I don't think the island retreat is a good idea. I seem to recall zombie shark wrestling (Zombie Flesh Eaters), plus although they don't swim didnt they manage to get out to an island in Romero's Land of the Dead.
Anonymous said…
I would call Dean Wincheater to protect me ""wicked grin"" though who would protect HIm from me, well geez i guess the zombies would have to , cause I would be knawing on his kissable lips



chey
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, 網站排名優化 , 關鍵字行銷 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , 網站設計 , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , 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, web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , web design , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 天狼星廣告設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , 平面設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , CIS設計 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 虛擬主機 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , seo , seo , seo , seo , seo , seo , seo , seo , seo , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 網站排名優化 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷 , 關鍵字行銷
艾葳酒店經紀提供專業的酒店經紀,酒店上班,酒店打工、兼職、酒店相關知識等酒店相關產業服務,想加入這行業的水水們請找專業又有保障的艾葳酒店經紀公司!
艾葳酒店經紀是合法的公司、我們是不會跟水水簽任何的合約 ( 請放心 ),我們是不會強押水水辛苦工作的薪水,我們絕對不會對任何人公開水水的資料、工作環境高雅時尚,無業績壓力,無脫秀無喝酒壓力,高層次會員制客源,工作輕鬆。
一般的酒店經紀只會在水水們第一次上班和領薪水時出現而已,對水水們的上班安全一點保障都沒有!艾葳酒店經紀公司的水水們上班時全程媽咪作陪,不需擔心!只提供最優質的酒店上班環境、上班條件給水水們。

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