Guest Ghoul: Amanda Ashby, author of The Zombie Queen of Newbury High
It is a truth universally acknowledged that all zombie authors like zombies. Except of course when you’re me and you accidentally write a zombie book, not really expecting it to get published and then suddenly find yourself being asked a whole heap of zombie related questions that you have absolutely no answers for. See where I’m going with this?
The thing is that there are many, many reasons why I’m not a zombie fan. Not least because two weeks ago I had a blog party to celebrate the release of ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH and I though it might be in keeping with the theme to invite some zombies along.
As it turns out this was a bad idea.
Did they clean up after themselves? No, they did not. Did they hold back from eating all of my guests? Er, that would be no. Did they even bother to get me a lovely hostess gift for not complaining about all the stray body parts that kept turning up around my house? Again with a big fat no.
But apart from making bad house guests, the main reason I don’t like zombies is because, well...they’re scary. And it’s not just the flesh-munching, brain-chomping thing they’ve got going on (though bleurgh), but rather it’s their uncanny ability not to die.
I mean even when they’re all killed off, somehow one always manages to slip through. And while I can see the appeal if you’re a movie executive with a franchise on your hands, for most regular people, the concept doesn’t fill me with fluffy bunnies.
And speaking of fluffy bunnies, don’t be lured into patting one when you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse because it’s a scientifically proven fact that fluffy bunnies can eat your brains just as easily as the next zombie. This rule applies to cats and dogs as well (I’m talking to you Will Smith).
In fact I’m so scared of zombies that I decided to put together my own little Zombie Survival Kit filled with all the essential items that you will ever need to fight off the living dead hordes. And, because I think you’re all lovely and I’d like you to live a long and happy life, I want to give you the chance to win this kit.
Also, since ten to one, if you’re running away from zombies, you’ll get stuck in a closet, I thought I’d throw in a copy of my new book ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH to help you pass away the hours - unless of course you’ve fallen victim to my cunning mind control trick and you’ve already gone out and bought a copy - in which case I’ll let you have a copy of my first book YOU HAD ME AT HALO instead. I’m nice like that.
I was also going to provide a detailed escape route of what to do if zombies attacks but my Darwinian genes have suddenly kicked in and are refusing to let me reveal this information (since let’s face it, we’ve all seen enough movies to know that someone needs to get eaten and while I do like you, I’m not sure I like you that much).
So what do you need to do to win this potentially life saving kit and hilarious book? Just tell me your best zombie survival tip and you’re in with a chance. Too easy!
The thing is that there are many, many reasons why I’m not a zombie fan. Not least because two weeks ago I had a blog party to celebrate the release of ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH and I though it might be in keeping with the theme to invite some zombies along.As it turns out this was a bad idea.
Did they clean up after themselves? No, they did not. Did they hold back from eating all of my guests? Er, that would be no. Did they even bother to get me a lovely hostess gift for not complaining about all the stray body parts that kept turning up around my house? Again with a big fat no.
But apart from making bad house guests, the main reason I don’t like zombies is because, well...they’re scary. And it’s not just the flesh-munching, brain-chomping thing they’ve got going on (though bleurgh), but rather it’s their uncanny ability not to die.
I mean even when they’re all killed off, somehow one always manages to slip through. And while I can see the appeal if you’re a movie executive with a franchise on your hands, for most regular people, the concept doesn’t fill me with fluffy bunnies.
And speaking of fluffy bunnies, don’t be lured into patting one when you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse because it’s a scientifically proven fact that fluffy bunnies can eat your brains just as easily as the next zombie. This rule applies to cats and dogs as well (I’m talking to you Will Smith).
In fact I’m so scared of zombies that I decided to put together my own little Zombie Survival Kit filled with all the essential items that you will ever need to fight off the living dead hordes. And, because I think you’re all lovely and I’d like you to live a long and happy life, I want to give you the chance to win this kit.
Also, since ten to one, if you’re running away from zombies, you’ll get stuck in a closet, I thought I’d throw in a copy of my new book ZOMBIE QUEEN OF NEWBURY HIGH to help you pass away the hours - unless of course you’ve fallen victim to my cunning mind control trick and you’ve already gone out and bought a copy - in which case I’ll let you have a copy of my first book YOU HAD ME AT HALO instead. I’m nice like that.
I was also going to provide a detailed escape route of what to do if zombies attacks but my Darwinian genes have suddenly kicked in and are refusing to let me reveal this information (since let’s face it, we’ve all seen enough movies to know that someone needs to get eaten and while I do like you, I’m not sure I like you that much).
So what do you need to do to win this potentially life saving kit and hilarious book? Just tell me your best zombie survival tip and you’re in with a chance. Too easy!
Comments
Amanda, you know the drill. I just want You Had Me at Halo :P
Run like the wind...that's all I got.
B
So, you know, I could see how a kit would be helpful.
That said, we do a regular "where's the local gun shop" check around my house. That's always the best first place to go when the zombies come.
BTW, some of these tips are really funny!
Also, if you can, keep some eyeballs or something on hand, that way you can feed the zombies a little something while you try to run away.
If nothing else works, I'm all for trying the powers of seduction-even on zombies:)
Or just a baseballbat and soem good running shoes.
If all else fails, keep a hottie named Chase with you at all times. ;)
IF I do win please email me at JoyMalecki@yahoo.com
-Amanda, if you're reading this, blame Sharon for influencing his cattiness on me! :)
p.snark (at)gmail (dot) com
Or maybe just make sure you have plenty of aerosol hairspray & matches. No one (not even zombies) can resist a barbeque!
For a more one-on-one approach, I'd go with a cricket bat and 'Queen' playing on the dukebox so you can get your rhythm. After you've beaten them to a within an inch of their undeath, throw some lyme at them to speed up their decomposition.
Then run. Find somewhere high with supplies, appropriately seal all entry points (burn the ladder, cut the cable of the elevator, destroy the stairs) and wait for the zombies to starve themselves because your tasty living human flesh won't be on the menu. For fun, you could take with you a shot gun and take some target practice.
bunnybx at gmail . com
Sue
okibi_insanity[at]yahoo[dot]com
wendyhines (at) hotmail (dot) com
-Pretend to be like them, because as predators they must have a good sense of smell.
-Try to our run them since most zombies are insanely strong, and fast (depending on the author/writer of the world they belong in)
My tip: Become a frickin' badass. More generally, learn how to turn ANYTHING into a weapon. Hey, using a piece of paper to gauge an eye out out buys plenty of time to aim that ak-47 and fireeee!
sena.sagani[at]gmail[dot]com
This makes me something of an expert in surviving the zombie apocalypse.
Because of this, by the laws of cinematic irony, in any giving group of people fighting against the rising horde of zombies, I will be one of the first to die. Probably after saying something like, "I know it looks bad out there, but we're going to make it through this. I've got a plan..."
At which point zombies break through the boarded up window and kill me in a horribly gruesome way. It's inevitable.
Nora
wishonstars13@hotmail.com
Anyway, you guys are all evil geniuses in the making - awesome! And Thom - best job ever!!!! My heroine is a bit of a TV addict and she comes to realize that she is a 'one episode only' girl which makes her prime zombie fodder. Apparently she blames me for this which I think it is a little bit unfair!!!!
And if you are just too squeemish about it marry a freakin Soldier to protect your 6.(tail end) or be near a military base, they leave all sorts of fun things laying around somewhere..... or know where they are......
Cindy Mac, who really needs to prepare cause I believe the Great Zombie Rebellion will start in Kansas, no one would think of Kansas.......
paradoxrevealed (at) aim (dot) com
If this fails, make sure you come back as that smart zombie who got away and you'll at least "survive" to appear for the first 5-10 minutes in the sequel.
chey