Demon Week: It's Getting Them To Shut Up That's The Trick

You want evil? I'll give you evil: getting woken up at four in the morning with a burst of inspiration for a scene for a book that I haven't even started yet.

Some might call it the Muse. Yeah, right. That's my own personal demon (or demons), Jezebel. And sometimes, Daun. Damn them.

JEZEBEL: Hey, Kessler, quit your whining. If it weren't for me, you'd be flipping burgers now.

DAUNUAN: You? Babes, as if you'd be anywhere without me.

JEZ: Arrogant, much?

DAUN: Just callin' it like I see it.

JEZ: You're kidding yourself.

DAUN: And you're deluded.

JEZ: Look, you dumb demon, I ran away from Hell because I found the change in management untenable. Believe it or not, that had nothing to do with you.

DAUN: And you came back to Hell because of me.

JEZ: I needed you to kill me so I could rescue my boyfriend's soul!

DAUN: [WAGGLES EYEBROWS] The ends justifies the means. And you meant it when you moaned as I got your sweet spot.

JEZ: Stop that. You were just more convenient than downing a bottle full of Drain-o. And less messy than me jumping out a window.

DAUN: Now who's kidding herself?

JEZ: I am so glad that Kessler makes sure you get yours. You fall in lurve. Man, you're doomed, Daun. Doomed. And I'm giggling just thinking about what she's going to do to you--

*** HEY!!!***

Guys, shut the f*** up, will you? This isn't an ad for my books, all right?

DAUN: Just to get the record straight, demons don't love. We lust. Very, very well.

Yeah, yeah. Got it. Now go away.

So, as I was saying, my demons tend to INTERRUPT ME AT VERY INCONVENIENT TIMES. They have all of these ideas. And not all of them are good ones.

JEZ: What? Having the extra serving of chocolate chip cookie cake with an Oreo on top was brilliant, I tell you!

This from the lactose-intolerant demon.

JEZ: Hey, I could have tempted you to have the cheesecake, but I didn't.


What was I saying?

DAUN: We interrupt you.

Yeah, thanks.

DAUN: No problem, doll.

JEZ: Suck up.

DAUN: Hey, I know where my souls are sauteed.

So. Right, like there was this time when I was making breakfast for the Precious Little Tax Deductions, and then boom, I suddenly knew exactly how Daun's book would end. I mean, I knew the ending, totally -- but now I had this vision of a last scene, and it just tied everything up beautifully, and I ran out of the kitchen and dashed up to my office to type the scene out. And that's still the last scene of the book.

DAUN: You make it sound like it's a bad thing.

I left my kids in the freaking kitchen to write!

DAUN: And?

JEZ: Besides, they weren't in the kitchen. They were watching Pokemon. They didn't even notice you left them stranded.

Whose side are you on?

JEZ: The Down side, of course.

DAUN: Did you have a point here?

JEZ: She does tend to babble, doesn't she?

DAUN: Yeah, I noticed. But hey, she allowed you to have multiple orgasms, so let's cut her some slack.

Oh God.

JEZ: Sweetie, I'm a demon of Lust.

DAUN: Former demon.

JEZ: Whatever. The orgasms thing was all me. But the scene where you and the Angel lick me from head to toe, that was all her idea.

Oh God. Guys, shut up! This is a family friendly blog!


Hey, look: The Playboy Channel.

**The sound of Lust demons scampering**

Like I was trying to say, some authors have a Muse. I have demons. And while having them speak to me helps my creativity (and probably makes me a candidate for assisted living with white, padded walls), it's getting them to shut up that's the trick.

Demons. Can't live with them, can't exorcise them.


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