Once upon a time, in junior high, just after I'd finally finished growing out my huge early 90's mall bangs, I watched the movie "Coneheads" for the first time. And OMG, did I love it. I was instantly obsessed, quoting lines from the movie constantly, the whole bit. The only thing cooler to my 14 year old self was "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".
So, when Halloween came around that year, it was a hard choice. Conehead? Or victim of the Rabbit of Caerbannog? I had a friend whose dad used to be a taxidermist and had access to a pretty lifelike looking bunny, but I decided the pink eyes freaked me the hell out and would probably freak the rest of the eighth grade out as well, so I'd better stick with the Conehead if I hoped to preserve my moderately cool status.
And that's how I ended up dressed as a giant penis.
Of course, in my relative innocence, I had no idea I looked like a giant penis until I got to school and the giggles started. No, I proudly walked into class on Halloween dressed in my stuffed skull cap, with my gold scarf wrapped around my forehead to hide the place where skull cap met head. I think I also had on some sort of gold cape and an alien spacesuit. Thankfully, however, my mind has largely supressed the memory in the interest of preserving my sanity.
My reputation eventually recovered but...the Halloween scars remain. I never took such a giant leap with a costume again, and I refuse to write about Junior High. Killer zombies are nothing compared to the trauma of being called penis head for an entire semester.
author of "You are So Undead to Me"
A Megan Berry Zombie Settler novel
January 22nd, 2009 from Penguin Razorbill
Learn more at www.staceyjay.com