Smart Bitch Sarah risked her life and virtue for all of us

When I asked the very awesome Sarah from the even more awesome Smart Bitches, Trashy Books website, I imagined she would give me a funny little piece on Halloween, a memory or anecdote, or whatever.

Little did I know that Sarah's connections in the romance world go far deeper than I imagined. How she got this transcript I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to, but suffice to say...we owe her a big thanks for this top-secret information, a League of Reluctant Adults exclusive!

Scene: The Manley Lounge
International Consortium of Heroes
The Organization of Romance Novel Heroes in All Their Various Archetypes

Established 1811

Vampire Support Group Meeting
Attendance: 14,576,934, give or take a few
Time: Twilight. Duh.

Chair: Vladimir Pouftahl
Director, Undead and Bloodsucking Division

The meeting is now called to order. As usual, Halloween is our night off, since all those pesky mortal males can indulge their alpha fantasies and dress up as one of us. I'd like to thank you for eschewing any number of easy snack opportunities to join us this evening. Our meeting should be a productive one, as our full membership appears to be present, in one form or another.

Let it be said that the next bat who shits on my head will learn about alternate definitions of the word "bat." Am I making myself clear?

At our last annual meeting of the full membership... and yes, thank you to those who chuckled at the word "member," thus solidfying those undecided voters who waffled on the question of outlawing the vampiric turning of males in puberty. As I was saying, at our last annual gathering, we questioned whether our fame had reached a pointy apex, and clearly, it has not. Despite the griping from romance readers, the genre continues to sell, and we continue on pace to remain the most popular for yet another year.

I would like to give thanks to those werewolves who could join us tonight. Certainly our alliance has proven most effective, though I must remind you that we will be playing our VampHair Rugby Match this weekend, rain or shine. I do hope for rain, though. Makes the fur easier to grab.

Sorry, you're right. I shall save it for the field. Where you will go down in ignominious bloody defeat.

As I was saying, in the past year, despite reports of gloom and doom from various sources, our numbers as heroes have only increased, as has our fame. While some insist we've jumped the shark, we find that our continued health in terms of heroic opportunities remains such that many a female finds us eternally toothsome.

We are all, of course, thankful for this growing audience, and in order to properly thank those of you who have gone above and beyond in terms of elevating our fame as the current Perfect Manly Hero, we've created an award. Given that our group has been victorious over the others for the past five years, we've decided to acknowledge those heroes whose book sales put us over the top in total points accumulation. We'll be accepting nominations immediately, and the winners will be announced at our half-year gathering during the new moon closest to the spring equinox. Stan is looking up that date now on Google. Yes, I know...dial up sucks, Stan. So do you.

The Edward Cullen Award will go to the vampire whose fame has so eclipsed that of any other heroic archetype in our membership, from the Wounded Lord to the Navy SEAL, we are once again victorious in the ICH House Cup. This year's winner will be nominated from amongst the membership; Mr. Cullen himself, obviously, is out of the running, but the gentlemen from "True Blood" is eligible, as are any of the approximately 45,657 vampire heroes on the shelves for the 2008 calendar year. Get your fountain pens ready, lads, and we'll take your suggestions following the meeting.

If no one has any other items for the agenda, we'll adjourn. And now, as Dawn is breaking, and Lord what a racket she makes, we proceed to our festivities. Someone tap the keg. It's party time.

Thanks Sarah, for risking everything to bring this valuable information to our readers.


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