Monday, February 16, 2009

Honk, Honk....Yeah...Beep, Beep!

I was watching Illini basketball yesterday, (pretty much the only kind I can stand to sit through) when I realized I desperately needed to be the Designated Horn Honker. You know, the person who signals time outs and ends of halves and such. Have you heard this sucker? It sounds like a train on steroids! And the power! People literally cannot start bouncing the ball until you hit the switch. Or maybe it's a big red button that lights up like a Christmas tree! Awww, man!

At any rate, as soon as they gave me the job, I would totally be slamming my hand on that puppy at random intervals.

Honk! Excuse me, everybody at the Big Kids' table here has the munchies, so we're pausing the game while Frank runs to the concession stand for Diet Cokes and Snicker Bars.

Beep! Time out for the officials. Yeah, I'm talking about you, dude. I can tell you need to pee. Go ahead, we'll wait.

I know, I know, they'd fire me nice and quick. My hubby estimated before the first half was over. But it would so be worth it. Which brings me to my question.

If you had godlike powers over the game of basketball, what would you do to make it more fun for everyone, including viewers like me who might be enticed into watching by the promise of man-eating lions?


JD said...

Ooh, God-like powers to make basketball more interesting? A random audience member could receive an electric shock everytime a player throws a three-pointer. Trapdoors on the court. Coaches that explode, literally, if their blood pressure gets above 120/80. Sentient hoops that can move. My, the options are endless!

Can this apply to any sport? Imagine it - drivers getting scored for make-up application while rally driving; football with bulls; beach cricket with killer whales in the outfield; the guys from Top Gear doing synchronised swimming, with available audio...

Vickie said...

Nekkid basketball players.....

tom-gallier said...

Man eating lion? I would so like to see a man eat a lion. It would have to be a small lion, or a really big man, though.

Jennifer Rardin said...

All amazing ideas, JD! I'd love to hear the play-by-play of that game. "Oh, and Johnson has fallen through the floor again! Tough luck for the home team!"

Go, Vickie! I'd buy season tickets to that show!

LMAO, tom-gallier! Either way, small lion or big man, I bet it tastes like chicken!

Jo said...

::grumbling about people who get the "Beep Beep" song by The Playmates stuck in a person's head and then proceeds to discuss basketball... which can only be interesting if you see it in person::

As for your question... I'd kinda like the astronaut effect - at random intervals. So its basketball as usual, I decide to shake things up a bit, and suddenly the basketball players, refs, ball, and hoops lose gravity creating a slow-mo effect as the players attempt to dunk the ball. And suddenly (again) (with a jolt) everything settles down into it's new place.

Jo said...

Sorry about the slaughtered grammar. These things need an edit option.

John said...

Multiple balls. There's too much time in basketball where one team is holding the ball and everyone's just standing around. Give them a second ball. This actually applies to almost any sport.

That, or snipers.

Jennifer Rardin said...

You can slaughter grammar anytime you like as far as I'm concerned, Jo. I despised that class! (Except in college, when my professor talked a lot about the origins of words. Pretty neat.) Love your anti-grav idea too. That's a game I'd actually try to play. And I suck at sports.

If I didn't have arms on my chair, John, I would be literally rolling on the floor laughing.

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