Tuesday, February 17, 2009

This Just In...

Something happened today that really puts things in perspective and makes you reevaluate your life. An event so earth shattering that you'll likely be changed forever once it's revealed; one of those tragic indicators of our fragile state on this planet. I, for one, am humbled.

I'm talking, of course, about the news that Hollywood celebrities will have to do without this year.

Moment of silence.

This year, the "goodie bags" at the Oscars will be filled with 80% less bling.

I'm going to give you a moment for that and everything it means to sink in. Because, do you really want to live in a world where Brangelina can't have the shiniest new cell phones to reflect their signal of hope to unwanted babies everywhere? How do you think Jennifer Aniston is going to feel when she opens her bag and pulls out a linty Zagnut? NOT. HAPPY. That's how! Hasn't she been through enough?

(quick aside: is it to early for a Rhianna joke?)

I didn't think so...

What is Rhianna supposed to think when she opens her bag and finds only a lone jar of MAC ultimate cover-up (graciously donated)?

Do you see?

It hurts everyone, people.

If I could have a goodie bag, I'd fill it with love and anus jokes.

What's in your discount Hollywood goodie bag?

17 comments:

Qwill said...

My goodie bag contains 1 week of silence! That's it. Just some quiet time for me.

Bridget said...

How about Walmart gift certificates. Might bring some down to earth who are to big headed!

macbeaner said...

Borders gift certificates, Joann's gift certificates and Hershey's chocolate.

:)

JD said...

A big full of discount vouchers to Walmart (or low-budget equivalent), a pamphlet on better money management, photos of the sick and dying in low-income areas of their native country and a hardcover copy of Trinny and Susannah's What Not To Wear.

Not only do some of these celebrities need to know or remember how the other half lives, have a clue about the rest of the world and start to give a damn about it, and they also need to stop assulting our eyes with their ridiculous fashion sense.

Nicole Peeler said...

I would give them a copy of Pirandello's Six Characters in Search of an Author, Don Delillo's White Noise, and my book, hoping one of them will turn it into a movie. I'm not too postmodern to want to hop on the money express . . . ;-)

Pike said...

KC Masterpiece BBQ potatoe chips, a Mike's Hard Cranberry, and a slim, sticky joint. Hey, this is Hollywood

Oopsy Daisy said...

Shoes and chocolate. LOTS of shoes and chocolate. None of that Payless crap that's cluttering up my closet floor, either. The good stuff. I think I'll go kiss my lone pair of Choo's now.

Jaye Wells said...

All you need in a Hollywood goody bag is a free sample of Valtex and a syringe of botox. How much could it cost?

Pat said...

A BIG bottle of Mojito mix, and lots of giggles.

Jeanne Stein said...

Oh but Mark, you missed the really AWFUL moment in all this bling bag bunch of bull-- awhile ago when the IRS said the contents of those goody bags needed to be claimed as income (or something). Can you imagine??? First you give the most overpaid segment of our population (after athletes, that is) tens of thousands of dollars of free goodies, then you ask them to pay TAXES on them! How unfair! How undemocratic! How discriminatory!

Okay, I feel better now.

What would I put in the bag--a request for a donation to help put our country back on track. That would be a real BAILOUT package.

Jeanne

alanajoli said...

Hmmm... how about Blockbuster gift cards? It's like nostalgia in a little plastic card!

Nicole Peeler said...

What was that SAG strike about, again? The digital copyrights, right? So get them a year's subscription to a VOD service . . . they can watch their 20,000,000 paychecks crumble before them . . .

Vickie said...

O..M..G!! Those poor poor celebrities! How will they go on? They can use it as an emotion to hold onto next time they play a sad, disgruntled scene..

Lori T said...

Well, now who does not feel sorry for these poor celebrities...I know that if it were me, I would have a very difficult time even attending especially after this slap in their faces...where the hell is there bling?

My bag would contain a couple of gift cards to some of those discount outlet stores...I am sure that they would be put to good use.

Thom said...

A bag full of little hand drawn coupons that say things like "Good for One Hug" and "Free Smiles"

blackroze37yahoo.com said...

poor actors, might have to break into their millionssss bank to buy a cell phone

Anonymous said...

Wow. That Rihanna joke just totally turned me off this blog.

annie

Who the HELL Do We Think We Are?

We're a bunch of paranormal romance and urban fantasy authors who occasionally blog, make filthy jokes and prowl the halls of conferences and conventions with switchblades!

Current roster: Mario Acevedo, Michele Bardsley, Sonya Bateman, Dakota Cassidy, Carolyn Crane, Molly Harper, Kevin Hearne, Mark Henry, Stacia Kane, Jackie Kessler, J.F. Lewis, Daniel Marks, Richelle Mead, Kelly Meding, Allison Pang, Nicole Peeler, Kat Richardson, Michelle Rowen, Diana Rowland, Jeanne C. Stein, K.A. Stewart, Anton Strout, and Jaye Wells

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