Tall Tales
For a person who makes up stories for a living, I'm pretty honest. In fact, if you ask me for the truth, I'll give it to you, even if it hurts. Which is why people hardly ever do! I've narrowed the reasons for my plain talk down to two:
1. I used up the majority of my life's component of BS lying to my parents during my teen years.
2. Once I had kids, I decided if I wanted to be a good mom, I should tell them the truth as much as possible.
Here's the exception. For years our kids thought we had a dragon in the attic. Our reasoning was that the attic isn't fully floored, so we didn't want them up there screwing around and possibly falling through. Lucky for us they were just deeply steeped enough in fantasy to think it was cool that we lived with dragon, and yet to respect the fact that they'd probably be cripsy curled if they ventured into its lair. Now, at the ages of 16 and 18, they're not even pissed that we misled them. In fact, the attic still holds an aura of mystique for them to this very day.
I know we're not the only parents to pull this kind of crap. I remember I once babysat for a little girl whose folks informed her that a crocodile lived down by the creek that edged their land, because they were afraid she'd wander off and manage to drown herself before they found her. (Uh, we live in Illinois, so the only crocs we ever see live in zoos.) Anyway, she never went exploring on her own, so I guess the story worked.
How about you? Did your parents ever spin you a yarn that later turned out to be a life saver? Or have you pulled one off on your kids? Can't wait to hear!
1. I used up the majority of my life's component of BS lying to my parents during my teen years.
2. Once I had kids, I decided if I wanted to be a good mom, I should tell them the truth as much as possible.
Here's the exception. For years our kids thought we had a dragon in the attic. Our reasoning was that the attic isn't fully floored, so we didn't want them up there screwing around and possibly falling through. Lucky for us they were just deeply steeped enough in fantasy to think it was cool that we lived with dragon, and yet to respect the fact that they'd probably be cripsy curled if they ventured into its lair. Now, at the ages of 16 and 18, they're not even pissed that we misled them. In fact, the attic still holds an aura of mystique for them to this very day.
I know we're not the only parents to pull this kind of crap. I remember I once babysat for a little girl whose folks informed her that a crocodile lived down by the creek that edged their land, because they were afraid she'd wander off and manage to drown herself before they found her. (Uh, we live in Illinois, so the only crocs we ever see live in zoos.) Anyway, she never went exploring on her own, so I guess the story worked.
How about you? Did your parents ever spin you a yarn that later turned out to be a life saver? Or have you pulled one off on your kids? Can't wait to hear!
Comments
Zed-Aitch, we never, and I mean never, told our kids Santa et. al. didn't exist. Because, in a way, they do through us. They still get presents from Santa and baskets from the Easter Bunny (although, of course, they know) and we all get a huge kick out of the whole deal.
Once while we were driving through rural PA, my dad told me that the cows who live on hills have shorter front legs than back, so they can reach the grass easier on the incline. I believed him.
He used to drive us through the woods near my grandmother's house, a place called Burnt Swamp, and tell us that if we saw red eyes in the woods, they were witches looking for naughty children to eat.
What else? Oh yes, that anyone sitting on the passenger side of a car when we drove past a cemetery could be possessed by a ghost--needless to say, my sister and I sat in each other's laps a couple of times.
Is it any wonder I write what I write? :-D
If I turn of the lights at my house and start yelling "JUMBIES!" my little sister will retreat into the daylight bawling! Suffice to say, it gets her to listen to us better. =/ I don't know what will happen when she finds out it's all lore.
Of course, with my overactive imagination, I never swam without perpetual trepidation that I was just a little too close to the pads, and I climbed the dock ladder like a monkey for fear that one wayward toe underneath meant a bite.
I have no idea what a water chihuahua is or what they might look like, but since this was before "Yo quiero Taco Bell" it sounded pretty scary to me.
My parents was more for the morbid reality:
If you play in the street, you will get hit by a car and die.
If you dance on the table, you'll fall and break your face, and be hideous and socially ostracized the rest of your life.
If you stick your tongue on metal, it'll freeze there and you'll get stuck and die.
If you play with the vacuum, it will suck your lungs out and you will die.
If you play in the attic, you will fall through the floor and die.
I think I could have used a few more of those little stories, m'self. A dragon in the attic could have saved me a life long fear of attics and vacuum cleaners.
As a general rule, I don't lie. I may not tell the whole truth, but I never tell an outright fib - my memory isn't good enough. The only lie I've told my nieces and nephews that clouds are made from fairy spit. It's just oo damn hard explaining the water cycle to a three-year-old.
KorynMarie, your sister sounds like a smart one, and pretty darn funny at that!
Darren, I am convinced the water chihuahua had fangs like a sabertooth tiger!
Okay, notanotherexit, giant albino leeches are quite off-putting. I would take a wide detour from anything they infested. On another note, my dad sounds a lot like your folks. Amazing the number of household items that will bash some portion of your bod and cause instantaneous death!
JD, I'm totally into the fairy spit idea. Going to try it on my nephews next time I see them. But I'll probably get the big eye roll and a, "Nuh-uh, Aunt Jennifer." Not given much to flights of fancy, those two.
Dad liked to joke with us..
On my way to school one time (The school is next to a cemetery) he looked out the window & said, so calmly: "You know what Taylor? People are just dying to get in there..."
-.- Sigh. My family are just weird.
A friend of mine has a sister that until age sixteen she thought that they put ice cream in water towers, because that's what her father told her when she was younger. Boy, was that sister PO'd when she found out it wasn't true.
Excellent story, Kat. One of my secret desires has always been to find a pirate map--even more than discovering the treasure it's supposed to lead to!
Weird families are my fave, Taylor-Marie. Look at the Addamses! What's not to like there?
Hilarious stories, Anonymous!